Yoda Took Away My Favorite Things
Friday, May 04, 2012
I think I have a love/hate relationship with Yoda.
In case you missed it, I was avoiding Yoda because I knew that he'd try to make me feel better about my lack of weight loss. Plus, sometimes when he tries to build up my self-esteem he makes me cry.
I should've been avoiding him for other reasons too.
Yesterday I met with him. He started off by weighing me in. I had prepared him for the worst by telling him that I'd gained. I had weighed myself the day before and was at 205. When he weighed me yesterday, I was at 201. He laughed at me and told me that I must have been wrong.
I know I wasn't.
Then he put me on a treadmill. Normally we warm up on a treadmill, then make it a little tough to raise my heart rate for 10-20 minutes before we move on to weight training.
He made me WALK on the treadmill, keeping my heart rate at 125 for 45 minutes. We talked during this time and I'll get into what was said in a minute.
Then he made me do lunges for the length of the gym while he changed the weight on the ends of the Weight Bar of Total Doom. (Yes, I'm sure it has a real name. No, I don't know it and even if I did, I like making up names for things.) Then he had me do a squat with the weight while keeping my arms straight - kind of a deadlift squat.
I couldn't do it. Seriously. I could lower the bar when I sat into a squat, but when the bar got past my knees I was unable to stand back up without hunching over the bar and using my back (which REALLY hurts, by the way, and it makes Yoda a Mad Panda).
He thought I was faking it. I could tell that he thought I wasn't using my best effort. He tried to talk me through it but the more he tried, the more upset I got. I wouldn't even look at him. He kept telling me to and I'd shake my head and keep trying to lift the stupid bar. Finally he stood right in front of me and demanded that I look at him.
I told him no.
He asked why and I burst out that if I looked at him right then I'd cry and that I really didn't want to do that. I did another lift with not-so-great form and he told me to take a break. So I busied myself by becoming VERY interested in my bottled water. When I turned back around, he had taken the weight off of the bar and he told me to do it again.
This time I had no problem. I struggled a bit toward the end, but that's how it should be.
We got done and Yoda told me that I'd done an awesome job. I immediately got tears in my eyes and shook my head. I told him that I felt like a wimp. He'd told me that I could lift that stupid weight and I couldn't.
He laughed. That made me even more upset and I had to take deep breaths to keep the tears from falling. Then he told me that I'm too hard on myself and that yes, I could have lifted that weight but that once I told myself I couldn't, then it was over. He said that he knew I'd tried and that once he'd taken the extra weight off the bar I had done it perfectly. He said that I was awesome and that I needed to learn to take compliments.
So yeah, I cried in the middle of the gym. Again.
But that wasn't the worst thing that had happened. While I was on the treadmill, Yoda asked me questions. How often do I go to Zumba? What's my heart rate while doing Zumba? What weight workouts have I been doing? Do I stay for the entire Zumba class? Do I ever come to the gym in the mornings? What time do I get off work? How many calories was I eating? What was a typical day meal-wise?
Then he'd scratch his head and make some notes on my workout paper.
Finally I asked him what he was doing.
"Trying to fit in the workouts I want you to do."
I looked at him in confusion.
Then he said that if I'm doing Zumba three times each week, plus weights three times each week, plus going hiking or running a 5K or whatever else I was doing that week, then he couldn't fit in the hour of treadmill three times a week that he wanted me to do unless I came to the gym twice a day three times a week and ate a few hundred more calories. And he also wanted me to take two days off from the gym if I was going to go hiking on the weekends.
I was quiet. I knew I could fix his dilemma. But I didn't want to. I love Zumba. It keeps me going to the gym. But I pay Yoda to make me get into better shape. He's wiser than me. He's more logical than I am. He sees things from a perspective that isn't always sad that cheese-fries can't be a diet. So I told him that I'd do whatever he wanted me to. Whatever it was.
And then he took away my Zumba.
He didn't really take it away. He asked me to only go once a week.
Zumba - 1 time per week
Treadmill - 3 times per week
Weights - 2 times per week (including the time I meet with him)
I felt sad, like I'd lost something important. I consoled myself by telling myself that once I got in better shape I could go to Zumba more often. But I was still sad.
Also, that Blankety-Blanking-Blank Trainer Yoda took away my carbs after 4:00.
After the weights fiasco, I went home and I found myself down about Zumba. Then I realized that my thoughts had turned into something naughty. I was thinking that I could still do Zumba and not tell Yoda. I could stay after and do the treadmill. I knew this was bad. Yoda would be upset if he found out.
So I texted him and asked him what a girl would have to do in order to go to Zumba three times each week.
He gave me my orders:
- Zumba 3 times per week (at night)
- Treadmill 3 times per week (2 in the morning on Zumba days and 1 time normally)
- Weights 2 times per week
- Eat 2200 OR MORE calories per day
- 20% fat, 40% carbs, 40% protein
- no carbs (or very few at least) after 4:00
- rest when I need it
I know it's a tough schedule. I know it's going to be hard to eat that much and still eat healthy. And I DEFINITELY know that resting is going to be hard for me.
But Zumba is what I look forward to. It's what kept me going to the gym when I had no interest in working out. If I only go once each week, then I don't learn the new songs. I'll always feel like I'm behind and maybe that'll make me want to skip it.
So, I'm trying this for a week. Yoda has approved. I know he's going to be keeping a close eye on me. Hopefully this change will be what I need in order to start dropping the weight again.
Holy crap, this blog is long. But there's one more thing.
There's a stinking 5K tomorrow. I'm nervous. I want to quit. I told Yoda that I am dreading it. And he said that I'm a RockStar and will be just fine. I feel nervous already though. Also, I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to run the whole thing. I didn't train for it at all. But no matter what, I know Yoda will be proud of me for doing it. I'll be proud of me. You'll be proud of me. And also? I get a free T-Shirt out of it. Score! ;)