Friday, May 04, 2012
While getting ready this morning, I had a revelation! Not an answer to my current problem- How to alleviate stress- but insight into why I eat so much. It's a bit pathetic really, but I'm happy to have a "spark" here. Ready?!
I EAT BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. I HAVE VERY LITTLE ELSE TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
I literally stopped in my tracks. It bowled me over. But I couldn't deny the truth. I look forward to eating and I don't look forward to much else lately. I can look forward to a brownie or a cookie, but I don't look forward to work, homework, cleaning, teenagers, etc. Because of injury and illness, I can't even look forward to the gym lately.
Just knowing this has made me happier. Isn't that nutty? Knowing that the only thing that makes you happy is food?! That's nothing to be happy about- unless you've been trying to figure it out for a while, and you were wandering around miserable and confused. I kept thinking, "why am I so dang fat?" and "why can't I stop eating?!" Now at least I know. Still chubby, but my mind is eased a bit.
So, the next assignment is to find something else to make me happy, something else to look forward to. Perhaps it would also be something that could alleviate stress. That would be awesome to combine the two! Wish me luck!