Thursday, May 03, 2012
So today was a "think about what you are eating, and try not to over do it" day. I needed to see where I am when I think I'm doing "okay" but know I should be doing better. So I went about my food business as I usually would on a day when I'm watching but not pushing myself.
And I learned that measuring everything is going to be a necessity for myself.
I overate a LOT today, and to me this was a "normal" day without many/any real treats.
I haven't had health insurance in over two years. And along the way I've realized that when I get hungry I start to get a little shaky. Over time, a little shaky became very shaky and dizzy. Needless to say, my friends think I'm hypoglycemic and now that I've just recently received health insurance I need to get this checked out. But anyways, speaking of today specifically.
I know I overuse cream cheese. I had an onion bagel this morning (usually I've been having bagel thins, but these full size bagels were on sale!) and I tried to put less cream cheese on it, but then I look at how sad and pathetic it looks and I put more on. I will not be doing that again any time soon, considering how the calories added up when I did my calorie tracker this evening.
It was 20 minutes before lunch that I started to crash. I was working at the computer when I suddenly realized that my anticipatory lunch hunger was actually becoming an episode. It happens relatively fast and I start to shake and get dizzy. Badness. So I had my pudding pack. 20 minutes later it was soup/matzo cracker time. Then, because I watch Netflix while I eat, I went straight into my apple. Which was good. And then I decided I wanted the two Reese's that were in my desk because, well, they were there and I have them left over from Easter, and they have to go sometime, right? Meh.
Sometime around 4 I felt like I was crashing again. And, mind you, this is a day I wasn't being extra careful about what I eat, just a day I wanted to take note of what I eat when I think I'm not having a very bad day food wise. But I started to get dizzy and just a little shaky, so I had one of my coworkers cookies just to even me out. Grrrr.
Pasta for dinner. Pasta with some jar marinara sauce, to which I added a garlic clove and chopped onions and some spices. And a piece of garlic toast. Hello carbo-load. It was a slightly larger bowl of pasta than normal, but what was left in the box would have been 2 very small bowls, so I went all in. Excuses, excuses. I know it. But now that it's all written out before the world, I can see that portion control is a huge issue with me. Even when I'm cutting back on what I eat when I let myself pig out, I'm still having too large of portions. However, when I am cutting back, I start to crash.
So my plans for tomorrow, and any other days. Don't skip the snack just cuz I don't feel hungry at 10:30. I need a healthy snack to maintain sugar levels, or I'm going to crash badly in a few hours. Leave the Reese bag at home and just take one a day, not two, to snack on. I'm being realistic... I won't throw the bag out, they are my favorites, and they are individually wrapped Easter egg ones... I need to just savor them and not scarf them down. And I need to need to need to start measuring out what I eat. No more full bagels with cream cheese. I gotta go back to the thins and just eat a half of a bagel to finish off what I have now.
So today was a technical loss on the literal level. However, it gave me an opportunity to take a real look into my mental process and see exactly how I lie to myself about my eating. Time to get focused a little more.
Unfortunately I have a college reunion party all weekend... I know I won't follow anything specific over the weekend. But I am hoping to have a good time and be ready to come back on Monday refocused on my goals. And I do plan on trying to cut down a bit tomorrow also. Cereal with banana and 1% milk for breakfast for sure, and a turkey sandwich for lunch. After that... we'll see.