Thursday, May 03, 2012
i have lost my way. its a month since i last blogged and logged in. my weight has increased each week almost back to where i started . if only i had been able to keep going with that initial buzz, excitiement and motivation. i seem to have lost all that. i am turning to food for comfort and i can see my stomach g expanding . i want to get back on track but in a funny sort of way dont. i feel i cant be bothered to track my food. i suppose i am thinking whats the point. my daughter wants to go jogging tomorrow at 6 am and has asked if i will go with her. i have said yes but my hearts not in it . why put in the effort when i wont succeed . theres no point tracking because i cant do it. such negative thoughts which will not help and weight gain will continue and i think at the moment i dont care . i am having a real crisis of confidence and feel like a big fat blob of a failure . but as usual i am hoping by writing a blog it will help me move forward and make sense of it all and give me some head space to get on top of stuff. i dont know what i want at the moment. if i wallow in this self pity for much longer i will put back on every single lost pound and more and feel this is the direction i am heading in and feeling quite helpless about it and also sort of happy to let it happen.
somehow i need to break this pattern , get a grip, stop feeling sorry for myself and just eat less. how difficult can it be !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like to blog and try and work out whats happening so i will finish here and see if i return tomorrow , this weekend, next month or next year - 3 stone heavier.