Thursday, May 03, 2012

i have lost my way. its a month since i last blogged and logged in. my weight has increased each week almost back to where i started . if only i had been able to keep going with that initial buzz, excitiement and motivation. i seem to have lost all that. i am turning to food for comfort and i can see my stomach g expanding . i want to get back on track but in a funny sort of way dont. i feel i cant be bothered to track my food. i suppose i am thinking whats the point. my daughter wants to go jogging tomorrow at 6 am and has asked if i will go with her. i have said yes but my hearts not in it . why put in the effort when i wont succeed . theres no point tracking because i cant do it. such negative thoughts which will not help and weight gain will continue and i think at the moment i dont care . i am having a real crisis of confidence and feel like a big fat blob of a failure . but as usual i am hoping by writing a blog it will help me move forward and make sense of it all and give me some head space to get on top of stuff. i dont know what i want at the moment. if i wallow in this self pity for much longer i will put back on every single lost pound and more and feel this is the direction i am heading in and feeling quite helpless about it and also sort of happy to let it happen.
somehow i need to break this pattern , get a grip, stop feeling sorry for myself and just eat less. how difficult can it be !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like to blog and try and work out whats happening so i will finish here and see if i return tomorrow , this weekend, next month or next year - 3 stone heavier.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I agree with Mennoly; what got me back on track after nearly six months of floundering was to tell myself, I just have to get through today. Finally, finally that seems to have worked. So I'll be thinking good thoughts for you and hoping you find yourself soon.
    2148 days ago
    Sounds like there is more going on than you can blog about. Something or someone has stolen your contentment. You sound like you are feeling "like scribble" where nothing is defined and it all seems a mess with nowhere to start. I am a past mistress of scribble, I have wondered where do I start to get on top of the chaos which is surrounding me (that other people cannot see). I usually find that making some "me time", a soak in the bath for example, will help me feel calmer and then ready to start on the mess. So, have some me time, put the washing machine on, do the dishes, comb your hair and put on your brave face!
    Have yourself something "wholesome but healthy", lots of veg and a tasty sauce. Go for a walk at your own pace and if it turns into a little jog, woohoo! Just do something rather than fret about it. You'll be fine, the fact you blogged means you are seeing the good reasons to live the healthy life. Forget about the scales, they can deceive you (especially if you are hitting the self doubt button) but use the tape measure, use the stop watch, see how you have improved from the early days.
    Your spark friends are here, cheering you on. We know you will do the same for us when we hit "Scribbletown".
    best wishes and a big hug
    2148 days ago
    do this one day at the time. set small achievable goals, such blog each day, or eat healthy each day. Break it down daily or for a couple of days. Remember don't give up. Just keep trying.
    emoticon emoticon
    2148 days ago

    Just for today

    Just for today, I'm going to make healthy choices in my life. I'll worry about tomorrow when it becomes today. I can do ANYTHING "just for today." I believe that my history is NOT my destiny. At any given moment I have the power to say this it not how the story is going to end.

    This is the intro to the Turtlebears page. I have always thought it was extremely inspiring. Turtlebear is at maintenance today, It took nearly a year to get there but she did it. Take her motto as your own, You are not looking at forever. You are looking at Today and you can do anything "Just for today" So when tomorrow becomes today go jog with your daughter, track your food and start living!

    2148 days ago
    Don't look at the big picture. Just try to make one small change at a time but whatever you do , don't give up. You can do it. Focus on the positive! emoticon

    2149 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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