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Fear of failure

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

I'm at this awful place in my life where I feel stuck. I know I enjoy drawing and painting and I even bought the supplies to create wonderful things - watercolors, acrylic paints, charcoal pencils, lots and lots of paper. I want to fill my free time by creating wonderful and lovely artwork. Something I used to enjoy doing before college. Unfortunately, I've only started one drawing and then put everything away for the past two weeks. What is my deal?
Well, I think I've figured it out. I'm waiting to feel "inspired" to create. I'm afraid to just jump in and maybe create something that I hate - to fail.
How silly!
Who cares if my first drawing/painting comes out terrible? At least I would have done something...ANYTHING - it's better to create something, than to never create anything, right?
I just need to take a giant leap in and start creating something! I know that once I get started the creativity will start to flow...and if it doesn't? Oh well, at least I tried.
I've found that I have this fear in other areas of my life. I haven't written a blog in a very long time, mostly because I'm afraid that I will fail to reach an audience when the only audience I should care about is myself.
I've been slacking on writing my thesis, mainly because it seems so daunting and I'm not exactly sure where to start. I just need to put words down on paper (or word document) and get my ideas out of my head. This would at least dampen some of the stress I currently have. Who cares if it is terrible? First drafts are never perfect. At least I would have something written down, instead of a blank outline.
I need to take more initiative in my life - I buy the art supplies; I write an outline for my thesis; I make a workout plan for the week - but I never seem to follow through. I sit on my couch watching TV afraid that I will fail instead of living my life and having success along with failure. The couch seems so safe.
I guess I need to live by the saying - "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." ~ Babe Ruth
Well this is my chance to take a few swings. So here I go! One blog down - and I don't believe I failed. (in fact, I've motivated myself to start a new watercolor painting)
Here goes nothing,
Christi
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MQBEAST 5/10/2012 3:07PM

  Dear Christi,

That is exactly how I feel these days. I am down to finals week for school and it's like I ran out of creative juices. Now I have 18 pages to write this weekend for one class! The other two... Anyway, I made it to the gym this morning but still put off the papers.
I used to be able to sit down and make a plan/timeline to accomplish my goals and school work...something I like to call time management.
If you don't feel creative or inspired...what used to inspire you? Maybe you can wait until you are inspired and don't think about it as a fear of failure.
When I need motivation or inspiration I sign up for a race. Training with a purpose inspires many other aspects of my life. I seem to stick to a plan better that way.

AND about reaching an audience! I'm sitting in at work at 2am in Korea hoping you get inspired and hope you stop being fearful of life. I was checking you out and you did great so far. Sorry for rambling I'm super tired. Don't be a stranger

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MT-MOONCHASER 5/3/2012 12:18AM

    Just a random thought -- Isn't just sitting on your couch watching TV and being afraid that you will fail a form of failure?

As for your thesis, if you have an outline in a word processor, can't you just open it up and put in random thoughts on the subject? As you get more thoughts in an area you can flesh them out and make them cohesive. That's the great thing about word processing, it's easy to add and edit thoughts without having to re-type the whole thing...

Good luck, I know that you can do it, you haven't made it this far by blind luck.

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