Wednesday, May 02, 2012
I just noticed that it's been quite some time since I blogged, let alone sparked. I remember when I first joined Spark almost 3 yrs ago. I was so committed to logging on here and checking in on all my friends. I had people who friended me and people I friended. I had people who would friend me but not say a word to me on my page or in sparkmail so I knew nothing about them. I felt like I was just added to be a number. Then after awhile, I started looking at all my friends and realized that there were so many whom I never talked with or acknowledged and vice versa. And that's when I decided that I was going to become more selective on who I added. I would subscribe to peoples blogs that really spoke to me, but that didn't mean I had to befriend them. I had close to 300 friends at one point but as I started deleting unknown friends, and blogging less, and being in less groups (just couldn't keep up) it really just stopped mattering to me. But I have discovered that my good friends I know outside of SP, like on FB or I've talked to them on the phone or via text. Relationships are so important to me. Connecting with others over a common bond-whatever it may be. I am discovering as I write this that I miss having a connection with others here. But being realistic with myself, I know that I don't have the time I used to have to be here daily. And I find it very frustrating.
This year, I've made a lot of changes in my eating style. I joined OA in mid to late January and have not had any processed sugar, desserts, drinks, etc. Just fruit. It is not always easy but I know that I am better for not being in the horrible cycle I get in when I consume so much sugar. I am not eating the best however, for the most part, I'm in tune with my body and know when I am full. And I appreciate that. I don't choose to numb myself with food to forget what might be upsetting me in my life at that moment. I work through it and spend a lot of time praying too.
Today I find myself conflicted. I have been contemplating doing Body By Vi. I have heard some positive things about it. However, I don't want to undo the progress I've made with OA-which like SP & FB lately, I haven't been attending regularly. I also want to exercise more. Last week I did get in a solid hour of walking. I was proud that I did that. But I'm not consistently exercising. I sit at my job 10.5 hrs a day-minus bathroom breaks-and I just have absolutely NO desire to get up and leave the desk while I'm there. But when I'm off? I'm going going going. Especially if I have MK customers I am seeing. I like being busy like that. I don't like just sitting in front of a computer and not having face to face contact with others (besides my coworker). I really think I need a new life. I know that MK is the direction I want to go permanently. However, I need something closer to home. I need a change. I want to get dressed up in the morning and feel good about the way I look and feel. Right now, where I work, I am at work at 06:30. I barely have time to get dressed and I have no desire to look attractive for myself let alone anyone else. How do I promote my MK business if I don't feel good about myself? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm in deep depression or feeling unattractive all the time. I just know that I need to make some changes to my career lifestyle because it's not conducive to my physical and mental health!
It's time to make a plan for my future!