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Climbing out of my hole...


Wednesday, May 02, 2012

So I am really trying to climb out of this self imposed exile I put myself in. I am so focused on my DH that I have lost track of everything else. The thing is, he's fine. He is so good and happy about the amputation. He is so positive and amazing and is actually the "old" Jeremy again. We always joke that he is my balance because I am such a pessimist and always worried and he's totally opposite. He always used to see the bright side and now he is again. I am just so scared of what's next that I don't sleep much, or eat right, or anything. It's a huge life changer for me too. I don't know if he realizes that while he feels free I feel only more pressure. I am going to school to be a nurse, packing up our house to move, hustling to be sure the boys and him have enough to eat, worrying about how I am going to pay for so much that they need while he just tra la las away. I don't know. It's more then I ever expected to go through. I didn't know that I would feel like this.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SALSIFY 5/3/2012 5:36PM

    I'm so sorry you, your dh & family are having to go through this. x

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RUFFIT 5/3/2012 8:49AM

    I keep thing simple and just put one foot in front of the other. Stay positive and strong and things will work out. Keep the faith!! Hugs, Moni emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 5/2/2012 11:54PM

    Good luck sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

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DIANEDOESSMILES 5/2/2012 2:28PM

    HI Sweetie,,,, I am so glad you are working ever so slowly on getting out "of the hole". that will help. We cant control how others feel, but we CAN control "how we feel" and "how we react" to things Jaci. its NOT easy what you are facing, and its A LOT And there's NOT DOUBT about it hon. It IS a lot, but the worse of it is now over for the time being. So I hope for now, you can take a DEEP BREATH and GO ON with life at life's terms, and PLEASE DO something FOR YOU !!!! As simple as it may be. Maybe even fix a meal that YOU enjoy? Put on the table when you do, flowers? Or a nick nack you like? Just something that makes you feel special !!!! Or in the bedroom,,, in the livinroom,,,though you are packing, if you can hold out that one special thing,,,,,,to help you help for a bit,,,,to help keep you grounded. That'd be WONDAHFUL ! I've done that in the past hon.

Also to do some deep breathing,,,,,,often in crisis, we start to do some shallow breathing,,,and no longer allow ourselves to breath in deeply. I am not sure where it is your at? it can relieve A LOT of stress,,,,if you have some candles or small lights you can hold out til the end,,,for YOU that'd be great,,,,or some crayons,,,and draw as you go,,,,,hey,,,that'd be SOOOO GOOD for you !!!! Also maybe teach the kids,,,how to do this as a coping mechasism for life,,,it'll help them all the time. But mostly FOR YOU !!!

Hon,,,I think of you ALL THE TIME !! Each day, when I look at my foot,,,,I think of you and H. how fortunate I am thus so far,,,though we know thats not for long,,,maybe? Maybe not????? I am trying a new therapy,,,its a cold lazer therapy. its giving me back feeling in my feet. I DO NOT LIKE IT !!!! It HURTS my feet, and yet, on the opposite side of it,,,I DO have them,,,,and WOW huh? From total numbness to thiis !! its kinda FUNKY !!!!! I can feel again when the grands tickle me. Thats just STRANGE to me. As said though,,,kinda funkjy.

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YATMAMA 5/2/2012 2:16PM

    You have a lot on your plate. The amazingly good news is that you can do it!

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GRANNYSUE9 5/2/2012 12:39PM

    It sounds like you are really having a hard time and not taking proper care of yourself. My DH is a 100% disabled vet and there are a lot of things he needs help with. Sometimes it is just too easy to forget about ourselves and put everyone elses needs in front of our own. Hope that you are able to step back and look things over and make some time for you!

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MTNGRL 5/2/2012 12:00PM

    Sweetie, I was just talking about you and your hubby last night to my DH. I told him what happened as our BIL is having circulation issues in his foot right now. BIL never took his diabetes serious and now well you know too well what may happen. I told DH I was going to check up on you today but you beat me too it.

I am so glad that Jeremy is doing better and feels much better. I have no idea how having this happening would effect me but I know I would be scared out of my mine at first. You have so much pressure on you it must feel impossible to even breath.

But step back, simplify, delegate what you can and deal with what you must. I know all the things you mentioned are priorities but so is your health as well.

That you took the time to check in here and share with us is a good sign. You know you have friends here who keep you in prayer and send positive thoughts your way.

I worry too much and have to stop myself and just be thankful for what is right now. What might be is just that..it might be and I'll deal with that issue when it comes in play.

Hugs, dear friend and many blessing.


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HOPEFULHIPPO 5/2/2012 11:30AM

    I tend to be an optimist while my husband calls himself a "realist". Perhaps he is "tra la la"ing because he knows you do worry for the both of them and is trying to cheer you up?

Take it day by day...(I know, like you could take it a week at a time, right?) but seriously, slow down, breathe and don't overthink things. Fate has a funny way of working things out and well, this too shall pass.

higs

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FLEURGARDEN 5/2/2012 11:16AM

    I'm glad your husband is doing better. Too many people don't take their diabetes, or other health issues, seriously and think that taking a pill is all they need to do. You'll be in my prayers as you struggle with everything that's on your plate right now. Please try to take some "me" time for yourself - you need and deserve it! You can't take care of your husband or your family if you don't take care of yourself first. emoticon

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 5/2/2012 10:35AM

    I just want you to know that I have been praying for you. emoticon

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