Wednesday, May 02, 2012
I was sitting outside at lunch watching people go in and out of the store. Some women dress so cute regardless of their weight. I'd say 7/10 women that come in are overweight and many of them dress attractively. Not me. Not that I don't want to, I really do but I feel very self conscious in anything other than jeans/shorts and a t-shirt. I wish I had the confidence to pull off a cute outfit every once in awhile. I really want a pretty summer dress, but I know I would never wear it right now so I haven't bought one yet. At the moment I'm dealing with the fact that my body is changing (geez it sounds like puberty all over again) and I'm getting more attention than I am used to. I'm very shy natured and attention makes me nervous. Oh believe me I love male attention, but I don't know what to do when they notice me. I've never had a hard time getting a man, but I have not been single since I was 18 (I go from one long term relationship right into another). I know its time to buy new clothes that actually fit, but I'm nervous about it too.
I know it makes absolutely no sense because this is what I am working toward but I'm actually scared to wear clothes that fit me. It would probably make me feel better about weight loss but I'm not sure I am ready to reveal it to the world. Like I said it sounds crazy, I know, but its how I feel. Right now with the baggy t-shirts and stretched out jeans, its kind of my secret (except my face really shows it). Somedays I want people to notice and other days I kind of want to keep my success to myself. Yep, I have issues, I don't deny it. Someday I am going to have to get over this because I am not a 16 anymore, I'm a 14 and the baggy butt in my jeans and perma-belly in my t-shirts are not doing anything for my self-esteem.