On Optifast I've finally learned something that I've been "not getting" for a long time. I need to treat food like medicine my body needs to be healthy. There is good medicine that builds a stronger healthier me and foods that are to be taken in very limited quantities because too much is detrimental to my health and well being.

I have used food for everything but what I truly need it for. I eat when I'm not hungry and indulge when I feel like I need comforting. I eat when I'm bored or feel pressured.

Food is not a friend. It never makes me feel better for more than a few bites after the initial pleasure over the taste fades. It isn't comforting because I feel bad, angry and guilty in turn when I eat the wrong things. It's not rewarding in the long run. It doesn't make social functions less awkward as I feel like everyone is watching me eat and judging every bite.

Eat too much of anything and it makes me feel sick to my stomach and adds inches and pounds to my already over burdened body. Food with too much starch and sugar makes me feel lethargic after the initial high wears down. I have come to the point where fried or fatty foods make me feel down right sick and cause my GERD to flair up leaving me miserable for hours.

Honestly nobody is going to be offended if I don't try a bit of every dish at a party. Normal people aren't even paying attention. Most people won't care if I politely refuse an offered tidbit. If they're more concerned with showing off their culinary skills then my health and well being they aren't a very caring friend or family member. Sometimes shoving cake or chips or whatever unhealthy thing in someones face is like expecting them to sharing some nice relaxing crack. I'm allowed to say no.