Tuesday, May 01, 2012
I didn't do as well as I wanted to about getting back on track, but it's ok. Tomorrow is a new day to do better. My eating was way off track, but I did get some exercise in.
I've been reading a lot of blogs of people that want to lose 100 pounds or more. And, I think to myself how they will be successful. But, then I look at my own similar goal, I get discouraged. It seems too overwhelming and unattainable. I need to break it down into mini-goals and focus on them instead. My first mini-goal is just to get under 290 pounds. Even this seems difficult. But, I'm not going to give up.
I tend to doubt myself about the decisions I make. And, I keep going over the decision to break up with my now ex boyfriend. In my head, I know that it's the right thing to do. But, then I start thinking that maybe he will change, which I know he won't. It's an evil cycle of self doubt. The good news is that I haven't given in and unblocked him in any way.
I'm working on my self esteem issues too. I know that my feelings of unworthiness are irrational. It just seems that when I start feeling good about myself, someone will say something that sets me off on that downward spiral. Other people should have no say in how I feel about myself. But, they know what buttons to push to upset me.
I guess that this isn't just about me losing weight and getting healthier. It's more like an overhaul of my entire life. This is my life, I am the one that decides how to live it.