There are some days I find myself asking several times-why am I doing this? I know it is totally against everything I am trying to do to be as healthy and independent with the best quality of life I can, After much soul-searching, I have isolated some of the causes. Many are still buried so deep, I am incapable of getting to them. Today, has been one of those days.
I know I am overwhelmed, and want everything completed Now! I also know that being in a relationship is bringing up a past I had not confronted.

The appointment with the doctor I have been waiting for is the day after tomorrow. I have white-coat anxiety. I need to know what is causing some problems, yet there is an anxiety. At the same time I actually hope there is something wrong they can find and take care of it. I know things aren't right, but I get tired of the woman and mechanic syndrome.

To make matters even worse, it has been gloomy and raining all day. Enough whining,
Things happen as they are supposed to, and so many have it far worse than I.
I am simply tired, and once I get over this exhaustion, It is my heartfelt wish that my attitude
and outlook will change.

I am extremely fortunate to have a cat and a significant other to put up and care for me in spite of myself.