Monday, April 30, 2012
I've been terrible lately, really. Lazy and eating garbage! I need to stop now!
Haven't been working out in like the past two weeks and I feel like Im holding on to excuses.
2 weeks ago I was super sick, I couldn't breath. I went to Urgent Care and the doc gave me some antibiotics because my allergies went crazy I guess and gave me some sort of infection.
Feeling much better now though, just need to take allergy stuff every day.
Then there was the Tera beta weekend, and Im seriously addicted to this new game. And while I eat unhealthy when I play it, I feel like I eat less because Im too absorbed in the game to focus on food and tummy growls.
Last week, I was at work and I had decided I wanted a garlic knot (mmm carbs), well, broke my d*mn tooth some more. Panicking, because I dont really have much teeth left (I was born without adult teeth in the back of my mouth, so the entire back half of my mouth in a bunch of holes and teeth struggling to stand their ground through root canals), I called the dentist. If you dont know, I have a huge phobia of the dentist. Im scared sh*tless. I spent all of Tuesday evening freaking out, looking for a dentist, found one that could see me the next day. I assumed Id go in, get some xrays, get my tooth pulled and discuss options for the future...
They took my xrays (while I choked back tears of fear), and sent me to a room to wait for the dentist. Dan was with me, and Im so thankful for all his help and support. The dentist pulled up my xrays and went through them. Then she put them infront of me to discuss what was going on...
there is something wrong with EVERY SINGLE tooth in my mouth.
And i dont mean like oh this could turn into a cavity... I mean, this tooth has an abcess, this tooth is dead... the teeth infront of my mouth have cavities between them...
So no teeth were pulled on Wednesday. Instead... I have to wait a month... because the only thing we can do is pull 10 of my teeth. Because the infections are getting so bad that they dont really have other viable options.
I need to let them pull 10 of my teeth.
And then I need to get partials...
I need to get an upper one and a lower one.
They hook on to my real teeth in the front of my mouth.
If the news wasn't devastating enough, it's going to cost a ton of money and i need to figure out how we're gonna pay for it.
We have some money in a health savings account, and we have some money saved for the wedding (not much but it's there), and we're gonna try to take out a loan.
We'll be pushing the wedding at least another year.
Im having such mixed thoughts. Im happy because I want to not have to worry about this anymore, but Im so scared... and sad... because Im 25 years old and I need dentures. And it's really no fault of my own, all the teeth that need to get pulled are ones that I've had to get work done on because we were preserving them, Ugh.
I always knew this day would come, it's just terrifying.
So that was last week.
And then I played Tera all weekend.
Going to be better this week though. Tera is officially launched tomorrow.
Dan said he thinks I jumped into over exercising too fast and I burnt myself out. It's probably true.
We made a deal that we need to work out at least 30 minutes 3x a week. So on a weeknight when we get home we cant play any video game until we work out.
I'd like it to be 4x a week because I feel so lazy saying "Oh, I work out 3x a week".
But I plan to start going to yoga at least 1x a week again. And maybe some morning runs again, but Im going to start small and try not to burn out so quickly.
I am excited to work out tonight.
Now to get my eating in check, i know deprivation is not good because then you binge... but I do want to deprive myself of junk... I think it's the only way to stop this cycle of craving it... it will suck at first, but when Im craving it i need to say NO! No! No!
And after a while, I wont crave it anymore! I hope!
Oh and my hair is blue and purple now lol
i dont know how much I've gained. I dont care. I dont feel much bigger. im very bloated, and I can tell bloat from fat. i think by the end of this week it'll be better. I just need to gett back on track.
Im going to go get dressed and go to the grocery store quick before work.
Gonna grab some yogurts for breakfasts, lean cuisines/smart ones for lunch, and buns because I believe Dan's making burgers for dinner =-D (We had gotten coupons from BJs for this meat! It's free range, naturally fed cattle! Yay happy cows!!!!)
I plan to be around a bit more now. When I dont check in with spark, I tend to fall off the wagon.
missed you so much
Edit: PS. On top of this- soooo much drama at work. and I think the girl I work with will be putting in her 2 weeks. Im bumming.