Sunday, April 29, 2012
I took yesterday for myself. I went out to breakfast with my mother, I got my nails done, I took a nap, and I went to a friend's house for a Lia Sophia party.
Today is Work Day. I started laundry and the dishwasher, and I'll put away all my shoes in my bedroom in a little while. I have planning to do, and sub plans to write for Wednesday morning (We have a professional development speaker coming and can only come at that one time on that one day, so the kids will have subs or work from home.). I have a ton of cleaning to do, but I'll get the major stuff today and try to get back on the FlyLady track this week and then just do a little at a time.
Work this past week had a lot of drama. It was a bit like being back in fifth grade again. We have a specials teacher who isn't a teacher by trade. She isn't licensed, but because we are a charter and she as a degree in her area, we can employ her. The problem is that because she isn't a teacher by trade, she doesn't take it as seriously as she ought to. She and I were supposed to integrate this week, which was fine. We collaborated via email because she was out for a couple of days the week before and we decided how we would integrate her area into what I was teaching in math. Late Sunday, she texted me with a list of things I needed to purchase for her integration...work on a project that was not remotely what we discussed. Understand that I have no classroom budget and cannot and should not have to go out and buy supplies for other people's projects with my students. Her department HAS a budget, and she's made a HUGE deal of the fact that no one is allowed to use those supplies for anything because they all belong to HER (which is another bone of contention...because she also demands a portion of our students' supplies at the beginning of the year to supplement what she has purchased with school funds that we aren't allowed to use...). So I texted back and said hey, this doesn't sound like what we decided on, let's talk on Monday... And then she didn't come to school on Monday..or Tuesday..or Wednesday. She called the office 5 minutes before school started to let them know she had decided to stay home. And she didn't call a sub, which again, impacts students because then we have to keep our kids and we get no planning time when they should be in her class.
I tried to keep it in. I tried. I tried to not vent my frustration. But I had to do it. So I went to my friend, who is also her lead, to talk about what is happening and how it is adversely affecting a ton of people so that as her lead, something might be done about it in the future. I know that he will do what he can to fix it, and if he can't, he'll pass it up the food chain to deal with. My teammate, who is in her mid 50s and I swear sometimes is really 12, caught wind of my discontent, which fueled her own. But instead of venting via the proper channels or leaving it with me when she vented....she told ERRYBODY else how annoyed she was. All of her concerns and frustrations were VALID, but she did it wrong, and it caused problems. She ended up in a mess, and now I am stuck in the middle of it all because she is now angry and feels betrayed by many people I hold dear for one reason or another.
So yesterday, in an effort to calm myself down and get a new perspective on things, I came across a guided meditation in my podcast list on iTunes. It was about how to relieve stress at work. I listened...and I breathed deeply...and I cried...for almost the entire 20 minute meditation. The tears flowed freely and I let them. And afterwards, I felt better.
The thing of it is that I don't want to be in the middle. I like both my teammates, and the rest of my co-workers, though I don't always agree with everyone's work ethic. I realize though that their work ethic is nothing I can control, nor is it something that is my problem to deal with. That said, I get taken advantage of quite a bit because I'm nice and fairly accommodating and understanding of others' situations. I take care of stuff when it needs to get taken care of, even if it isn't mine to do so that it doesn't cause a problem for the kids. I let people vent and I internalize all of what they've said and then my own feelings about it...and never let them go. People know I won't say anything if they talk to me, and so they do, and I hold it in. And that is proving to be a problem.
So this week, my goal in addition to eating well and deliberately moving more, is to work toward not internalizing or taking on the issues of others. I realize that their problems are not mine and it is not my job to fix them. If I can't handle it, I'll let my admin know, and we'll go from there...