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I'm back, again...

Sunday, April 29, 2012

I've been off sp for quite a while...I always mean to come on, but it is hard. Not because I don't have time (I am on disability and time is what I have most). It is just hard to admit that I need to lose weight. I have been very heavy since around 12 y/o and every time I've tried to lose weight, I've been a miserable I came to believe, over the last 27 years, that I was meant to be obese. Not that I necessarily WANT to be, just that it was who I am. I don't want to be that person anymore...And now that I will be going on a trip to meet my stepmother's family, in July, I really don't want to meet them at around 260 pounds on a 5'4" frame... I know I need this website to help me stay accountable. I will be having shoulder surgery on June 4, 2012(postponed until August 20th)...barring any unexpected/unforeseen problems. I am right-handed and it is my right shoulder, so it will be hard in more ways than one. I am a little bit worried that it will throw me further off track on my weight loss and exercise. I am on my exercise bike right now, and every few days or so I go on it...but it probably isn't enough to lose weight. I have always had trouble breathing with any exertion at all and 2 stress tests have shown that my heart rate can jump into the 150's within 2 minutes of it is slow go on the bike or any other exercises. I have no appreciable heart defects or heart diseases, and I have been labelled as having unconditioned heart and there is no real physical reason I should have problems with exertion, but I do and I don't know how to exercise enough to make a real difference if I can't push myself when exercising.... I feel like I am behind the 8-ball all the time with trying to lose weight. Between my under active thyroid, the rods in my back/neck, my Diabetes, my gluten intolerance, and the tics/seizures...and now the exertion problems, I am like a walking/talking science experiment in the making... And it gets very discouraging, so hard to stick with any program. Even this one. I start out so strong for a week or two, then I get a setback, and poof, all my faith in myself is gone and I just stop trying. I don't like feeling this way, but I end up feeling like a real failure and am afraid to try again. I REALLY want to do it this time. I was on sp back in 2006 and went from 320 pounds down to 260. I reset my set point to 260, and have not gone above that in 6 years...but it might have been partly from my undiagnosed Diabetes, at that time. Some of it had to be from eating better and exercising...I had a great sp weight-loss buddy...I just hope I can lower my set point under 220 would be great. 100 pounds off in 6 years would be a great thing... Maybe someday I can even get down to 150 pounds...? Well, I have done 60+ minutes on my bike. A few more minutes and I'll hit the shower and find something creative to do. Maybe I'll do some research or something... God Bless Us All emoticon

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
FEELINGGREAT38 4/30/2012 12:36PM

    Thank you, Wildflower.

I'll remember that.

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WILDFLOWERR_ 4/30/2012 12:33PM

    That's awesome that you have kept the weight off for all those years! emoticon emoticon emoticon
Does sound like you are fighting against a lot of things, but my advice to you would be, don't put the faith in yourself, put the faith in God, and He will see you through! emoticon
You can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens You! Just remember that! (Philippians 4:13) and say it out loud in times of weakness! It works!

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FEELINGGREAT38 4/30/2012 10:28AM

    Hi Nixy,
Thank you emoticon Oh, and I postponed my surgery until August 20, at least that's off my mind for now...I will definitely go read your blog :)

And I'll try to keep in touch... Going to go read your blog right now

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NIXY72 4/30/2012 10:11AM

    Firstly, I'm so glad you're still here. I was getting worried!!

Challenges can be overwhelming and it's easier to push things we need/want to do for ourselves into the corner and forget about them. If you have a moment please please read my latest blog entry. I wrote all about "letting go of expectations" and dealing with all the "stuff" that gets in the way.

I know that we can do this. You will be/look amazing going to visit your family in July.

Good luck with surgery.

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FEELINGGREAT38 4/29/2012 2:25PM

    Thanks REDSHOES,

I appreciate the support...

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REDSHOES2011 4/29/2012 12:35PM

    emoticon Hang in there.. Sending good vibrations your way..

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FEELINGGREAT38 4/29/2012 11:56AM

    Thank you DLDEEMS,

Good luck to you. I believe in you. I know we can both do it emoticon

Keep me posted how you are doing and maybe you can help me stay motivated :)

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KENIKE08 4/29/2012 11:37AM

    Like you I am starting back again on this website. I stopped eating right and exercising around the holidays and gained to 253 . It can be discouraging, but taking baby steps is a start. I hope you do very well - you sound like you have the motivation. emoticon

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