Sunday, April 29, 2012
I was reading a journal I started last summer, 7/4/11 to be exact. I weighed in at 212.6. We had taken the kids to an amusement park and I left feeling really embarrassed. Even though it was VERY hot, I wore longer pants and an elbow length shirt because I wasn't comfortable walking around in anything less. I was super embarrassed trying to squeeze onto some kiddie rides with my youngest and even wrote "its a good thing fat is squishy". I wanted to loose weight so I wouldn't feel that same way the next time we made the trip. But my last weigh in was 9/15/11 at 215.8 before my scale broke. And as of 12/30/11, my clothes were even tighter and my eating completely unhealthy. I had written all these great ideas down. I knew how to do this. But I couldn't find the motivation. Living longer, setting a healthier example, feeling personally better, wasn't doing it. I just wanted to avoid public humiliation. It didn't work for me.
I don't know what changed, but since 1/1/12 I have been consistently making healthier choices. Easter and my daughter's birthday came in the same weekend, and my eating was not within my calorie range, but it was tracked, and honestly. I've been good about tending my spark. I've reached out to old sparkfriends and added new. And somewhere along the way I found out I do want to live healthier because there is no guarantee of longer. I also noticed that when I stopped biting my finger nails, my youngest child stopped too. I have to own it now, my kids are influenced heavily by my habits both good and bad. That is motivation. I'm not so worried about what anyone else thinks. I'm sure this is aided by all the positive feed back I've been getting from people in my life, but it also comes from feeling better about myself and not feeling so fragile.
The thing that brought all this up is our planned trip to another amusement park, possibly this Friday if the weather is good. (shh, don't tell the kids they think they're all going to the dentist.) And I'm down to 184.5. A little past my halfway point and 28 lbs down from my last roller coaster ride.
Thank you all for sharing your journeys and mine. We will do this.