Saturday, April 28, 2012
So this will seem long winded and self absorbed if someone actually reads it, but I am placing this here for myself, to remember why I am doing this when i am struggling and to try to stay on track this time. I've been up and down the scale and tried so many programs I could have paid off a credit card by now instead of using it on never ending programs I never follow through on.
Its almost like I am lying to myself, I know I am overweight, hell I'm obese, but its like I still cant totally acknowledge it, as long as photos are headshots etc, I can get away with lying to myself. So I am coming here to add one more avenue to my arsenal, hoping all the extra steps might keep me on track this time.
I want to be healthy, I dont want to follow another fad diet, when I lose this weight I never want to see it again...I need something permanent this time.
I know myself, and I know this is the wrong week to begin, but I can find an excuse every week, life is just so full of excuses, so if I can just get a few workouts in this week, eat as healthy as possible while being on the road and living in hotel rooms this week for work, then maybe I am taking a small step in the right direction.
I remember as a little girl always thinking my grandmother was so overweight, how did she allow herself to get that way, yet now I think I might have even surpassed her, and I still cant acknowledge how overweight I am.
I know losing the weight will make me feel better, both physically and mentally. I know it will assist with my diabetes, I might never be able to go off insulin but I could take a whole lot less, and if I could find more energy, I'd be laughing!
And most of all I want my boys to see me as an amazing mother, not just in my career and volunteer accomplishments but in my helath. The other things are easy, this is where I struggle, so today is day one on the right track to becoming an even better more complete me!