Saturday, April 28, 2012
So ... I have managed to keep off what I lost when I first started this journey but I have been stuck in "self destruct" mode for a while. I waver constantly between doing what I should and eating healthy and the other extreme of out of control eating and vegetating in front of the
I have been (and am still) on a quest to find out why food has such a hold on me. The irony is that I don't really even like food that much ... but I sure crave what eating does for me. I have been under a lot of stress lately and was reminded again that I use food to comfort and even to "occupy" my life/time.
This examination of what goes on with obese people and what is often at the crux of the problem is painful ... the reality that I have wasted so much life thinking that I am stuck in this body ... with this "problem" and the fact I have allowed my self to be so accepting of this.
Today it struck me that if there had been anything we could have done to save David's life we would have ... he would have fought to stay with us, he would have been brave and driven and would have insured that our kids would have him in their lives. There was not one thing that eiher of us could have done to save his life ALS is that cruel ... but that is not true of me. I can change the path I am on ... I can stop the advance of disease and difficulty that is surely in my future if I don't do something.
So ... I will keep on this journey. I am not the same person who started so broken and in such grief and I know that there is still so much to do .... I can't do this in my own strenght but I know that I am not in this alone ... I have ONE who has told me to "cast all my care on HIM because He cares for me."
Dear Friend Jesus .... I come before you again ... so quick to forget that you know what I need, that you know how to help me and that there is no burden or fear I face that you are not willing and able to carry on my behalf. I cannot do this on my own ... I need your strength, your wisdom and your courage to walk away from the old patterns and old habits ... Help me please to be the overcomer that you have called me to be.