Saturday, April 28, 2012
You know, the seed heads that dot our parks and yards. As kids, and even adults, we have picked these, given them a blow, and watched as the seeds scatter in the wind.
I feel like one of those seeds right now : drifting on the wind alone. Moving away from everything I know and that is safe and secure.
The thing is, Iím not really sure why Iím feeling this way. Maybe I do. My life at work is changing because of funding cuts. Half the people I work with have been given their walking papers, and while they keep saying that my job is safe, I live in the real world and know that NO JOB is safe. Getting pleas for people eligible to take early retirement is NOT helping me feel secure, either.
Weíre entering a new phase with Alís new ostomy. While itís great to have that hernia under control, to have to go back to re-learning all the tricks with a colostomy instead of the ileostomy he had last year is just frustrating beyond words. Some things will be the same, some things different, but having had three surgeries, one of them an emergency, in two weeks has weakened him quite a bit. The next few months will be him trying to get back to where he was in March before the surgery : Ready to buy a bike and ride around while I run.
Thatís frustrating, too. Because last summer before The Great Colon Explosion, we were looking set to pay off virtually all our bills within a year. Now they just keep mounting. We still owe on TGCE, of course, and now these surgeries & the ER visitÖand all of a sudden I see my chances of ever seeing England fading away. The chances of me seeing a ballgame at Fenway seem unrealistic. Hell, the chances of me seeing another game in Kansas City now seem crazy.
But what do you do? Just keep floating, I guess. And hope the wind brings you to more fertile ground.