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Dandelion Fluff

Saturday, April 28, 2012

You know, the seed heads that dot our parks and yards. As kids, and even adults, we have picked these, given them a blow, and watched as the seeds scatter in the wind.

I feel like one of those seeds right now : drifting on the wind alone. Moving away from everything I know and that is safe and secure.

The thing is, I’m not really sure why I’m feeling this way. Maybe I do. My life at work is changing because of funding cuts. Half the people I work with have been given their walking papers, and while they keep saying that my job is safe, I live in the real world and know that NO JOB is safe. Getting pleas for people eligible to take early retirement is NOT helping me feel secure, either.

We’re entering a new phase with Al’s new ostomy. While it’s great to have that hernia under control, to have to go back to re-learning all the tricks with a colostomy instead of the ileostomy he had last year is just frustrating beyond words. Some things will be the same, some things different, but having had three surgeries, one of them an emergency, in two weeks has weakened him quite a bit. The next few months will be him trying to get back to where he was in March before the surgery : Ready to buy a bike and ride around while I run.

That’s frustrating, too. Because last summer before The Great Colon Explosion, we were looking set to pay off virtually all our bills within a year. Now they just keep mounting. We still owe on TGCE, of course, and now these surgeries & the ER visit…and all of a sudden I see my chances of ever seeing England fading away. The chances of me seeing a ballgame at Fenway seem unrealistic. Hell, the chances of me seeing another game in Kansas City now seem crazy.

But what do you do? Just keep floating, I guess. And hope the wind brings you to more fertile ground.
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  • OPTIMIST1948
    What an evocative picture. I am so sorry that the poop has hit the ventilation.

    Keep an eye on off season fares for England. January is not as cold there as here and airfare can be 30% of the June price.
    2104 days ago
    Sometimes I think that the "floating" sensation is your system's way of gently whispering to you that it's time to slow down a tiny bit, to let your problems float up where you can see them and then let them go.

    It always seems to happen during times in life when it's the hardest to do. Maybe that's why it's needed right then? (sigh) Been there, done that.

    Good wishes to you.
    2104 days ago
    I don't know what to say except hang in there. Keeping you in my thoughts. Big hugs
    2151 days ago
    “The strongest oak tree of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.” ~Napolean Hill
    2151 days ago
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