Saturday, April 28, 2012
I'm struggling today. Today my sister would have turned 47 years old. I would be in New York right now helping her set up for her yearly birthday party, which was always a huge blowout picnic. Instead, I am left with memories of those parties (some are a little foggy!). Thankfully they are good memories that I will cherish until the day I am with her once again.
Her death has been extremely difficult for me to come to terms with. She was just taken in an instant. I never got to say goodbye, none of us did. It's been almost 4 years, and somedays I still go to call her and discuss General Hospital with her.
I'm sorry to bum people out with this blog. I just miss her and needed to put it into words.
Now to turn it into a positive. We are having a big blowout picnic today; food, beer, soda, and cake. I am determined not to give into the temptation of all the fattening food. I am determined to celebrate her life, not feel sorrowful for her absence. I am determined to enjoy my time with my family and know that she is partying right along with us. I am determined to love and live in the moment, cherishing every second that I breathe...
Speaking of breathing, I will be breathing hard later as I do a 2 hour Zumbathon in her honor. I know she is so proud of what I have been able to accomplish. She is proud of my drive and perseverance. She is proud that I have been able to overcome (or at least begin the process) the demons that have kept me fat for most of my life. That is something we both struggled with. I'm doing this for both of us. She will give me that extra strength I need after the first hour of Zumba to keep pushing through it. I know I can do it!!
I will not be sad today (though tears are falling as I write about her). I am choosing to be happy. She would want that for me.. I want that for me. I send a helium balloon up to the heavens every year with sadness, but not today. I will be sending it full of happiness and love.
Happy Birthday Kim.. I love you and miss you!!