Saturday, April 28, 2012
I would have to write a book to relate to you the feelings of the situation I grew up in. My dad was very depressed growing up. He sat in the dark. He had a short stay in a mental hospital. He visited therapists. I saw him in a fetal position in his room crying. My mom suffered so much. She spent so much time caring for my brother and I and trying to take care of dad. Me with my Epilepsy and other physical ailments, my brother with his many emergency room visits, dad with his many health problems, and mom with more stress than she could handle and some runs to the hospital for her own health problems. When she married, she found out that she married into a sad situation. I have grown up watching her care for my dad more as if she was his mother than his wife. They didn't kiss, hug, or hold hands. My dad didn't express love in any way to me, my brother, or my mom. The house was full of tension all the time. Outings were most always ruined by my dad's mental state. Mom tried so hard bless her heart. I couldn't even understand what she went through until I grew up myself and was married. She has stayed with my dad all these years and stood by him and took care of him. She has thought about divorce when he became angry, although the stress became great, he never touched her. She always came back to the same thought though. Who will take care of him Eliabeth. She knew his own family wouldn't and that she is the only one that would truly care for him with love. Since I was old enough to understand prayer, I've been praying that God would heal my dad's mind. At one point I prayed, Lord please just take him when he's good. I went through a point when I prayed for the Lord to please take him and spare my mom's suffering.
Our life today is nothing short of a miracle! My dad says I love you all the time. He hugs me and kisses me on the cheek. Him and mom love to talk with each other. He sits on the edge of her bed each morning and talks to her. They don't fight anymore. They laugh. Dad is a new man. There is such peace in their house. Today we had a wonderful day and I actually saw my mom holding my dad's hand. If I weren't in public, I would have burst into tears, but the river flowed inside. They are falling in love with each other all over again. Well I don't even know if that is an accurate statement, because this time is so different. Its like a flower blooming in the desert. Its amazing. My heart is singing! Not only that but dad has lost 56lbs and he is out and about walking, weed eating, mowing, leading church services, walking into restaurants with us (all in moderate pace, but he is doing it). He lived in his room forever, not moving, not able to think. I made them dinner yesterday and he actually called and thanked me with the sweetest voice ever. I am overjoyed at the life that God has given us. My boys are doing wonderful. They are blossoming under this new life. I have finally taken control of my anxiety and depression and I'm making a new life full of laughs and smiles. Mom is a 5 year Leukemia survivor and she is keeping house and out doing things with me. I don't know if I have ever been happier. To beat it all, we spent a lot of time with my ex husband today. He came to see one of our ds perform in the choir and band for the Spring concert and he sat right there in the middle of us all and then stopped by our church, the one he used to attend with me, and fixed up the drumset for our ds. then he took the boys out to eat and we met him to bring the boys back home and we all just sat there and talked forever. It as a beautiful day! Thank you Lord! My heart is overwhelmed! Jehovah-Jireh, my provider! Jehovah-Ropha, God my Healer, Jehovah-Shalom, God is my Peace!