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Mission Size 6: Breakthrough

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

So I think I had a breakthrough of sorts. I'm till sorting my thoughts but basically I like to blame my workouts for "not working" when really my eating is to blame. I have food issues and its really time to do the hard work and change my eating habits even more. They have changed ALOT. Old Jaymee believed cheese fries and hoagies were a good lunch. A good snack was a GIANT bowl of cinnamon toast crunch. I ate maybe one veggie a day if that. Even when I first started losing weight I didn't eat too well, just alot less. Now I eat Two eggs with a half ounce of cheese for breakfast and a salad with protein, 3 ounces of baby carrots and an apple everyday for lunch. I have a chobani yogurt in the afternoon. Dinner varies since I still eat at my parent's but I try to make it the best I can. For example having my chicken on top of a salad instead of having it with mac and cheese or whatever. At night I often have a protein/fruit smoothie and a bowl of Kashi cereal.

The real problem lies in my "cheating". I still binge and when I binge I can easily undo an entire weeks worth or hard work. I eat until I am sick or eat such a ridiculous meal that no amount of exercise can help. I think that when I go out to eat I "deserve" an appetizer with my meal or dessert. I "deserve" a pint of Ben and Jerry's because it's movie night and I want a "treat". I "deserve" a "treat" because it's my birthday, my mom's birthday, my boyfriends birthday etc etc. I "deserve" to eat a dozen cookies because it's christmas. I "deserve" a dozen candy eggs because it's easter. I could go on but basically I still have a really messed up mentality about eating.

it's time to face my eating demons.

I deserve to feel GOOD.
I deserve a healthy body.
I deserve a fit body.
I deserve to be HAPPY.

I don't deserve to feel sick after eating.
I don't deserve to continue to stuff myself because I had an unhealthy meal
I don't deserve to hate myself for not making progress.
I don't deserve to stay this size because I can't control my eating.

Food is fuel. Sure there will be unhealthy or off plan meals. If I eat healthy all day and then have a restaurant meal or order some take out that does not mean I should eat a box of candy as dessert. I should enjoy it and move on with my life.

I need to remember what I want when i'm faced with tough situations. The lake house and holidays are always an issue because everyone is indulging in food and drink. I tend to turn "indulging" into shoveling food/alcohol into my mouth as fast as possible, like i'll never see another bit of food again. I need to remember that I want to feel good and look good.

I know I can do this. I've overcome many obstacles in life. I just need to keep focused.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are SO right--You CAN do this!!! emoticon
    2127 days ago
    I greatly sympathize with your binging issue. Ican also empathize with unreasonable foods in smaller amounts as method for weight loss. thanks to sparkpeople and the support of spark friends like you, I choose much healthier foods these days too. I really enjoyed this blog.
    2127 days ago
    You're awesome. That is all :)
    2128 days ago
    Quite the revelation! Good for you for identifying this behavior / mindset in yourself and taking steps to remedy it.

    For me, I know I'm in a food funk when I start to notice "What the hell" thinking. As in: Should I eat this? What the hell, I'll just eat it.

    I also had those "I deserve it" thoughts, especially if I was having a royally bad day. It still happens from time to time, but not as much. A few months ago, I had a very emotional day and it wasn't until hours after the peak of the crapiness that I realized it didn't even OCCUR to me that I deserved a bag of mini Reece's cups for having to deal with it. WOOHOO!

    It does get better!

    2128 days ago
    the book the beck diet solution is reaaly helping me work through some of my food issues, you may like it.
    2128 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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