Wednesday, April 25, 2012
So I think I had a breakthrough of sorts. I'm till sorting my thoughts but basically I like to blame my workouts for "not working" when really my eating is to blame. I have food issues and its really time to do the hard work and change my eating habits even more. They have changed ALOT. Old Jaymee believed cheese fries and hoagies were a good lunch. A good snack was a GIANT bowl of cinnamon toast crunch. I ate maybe one veggie a day if that. Even when I first started losing weight I didn't eat too well, just alot less. Now I eat Two eggs with a half ounce of cheese for breakfast and a salad with protein, 3 ounces of baby carrots and an apple everyday for lunch. I have a chobani yogurt in the afternoon. Dinner varies since I still eat at my parent's but I try to make it the best I can. For example having my chicken on top of a salad instead of having it with mac and cheese or whatever. At night I often have a protein/fruit smoothie and a bowl of Kashi cereal.
The real problem lies in my "cheating". I still binge and when I binge I can easily undo an entire weeks worth or hard work. I eat until I am sick or eat such a ridiculous meal that no amount of exercise can help. I think that when I go out to eat I "deserve" an appetizer with my meal or dessert. I "deserve" a pint of Ben and Jerry's because it's movie night and I want a "treat". I "deserve" a "treat" because it's my birthday, my mom's birthday, my boyfriends birthday etc etc. I "deserve" to eat a dozen cookies because it's christmas. I "deserve" a dozen candy eggs because it's easter. I could go on but basically I still have a really messed up mentality about eating.
it's time to face my eating demons.
I deserve to feel GOOD.
I deserve a healthy body.
I deserve a fit body.
I deserve to be HAPPY.
I don't deserve to feel sick after eating.
I don't deserve to continue to stuff myself because I had an unhealthy meal
I don't deserve to hate myself for not making progress.
I don't deserve to stay this size because I can't control my eating.
Food is fuel. Sure there will be unhealthy or off plan meals. If I eat healthy all day and then have a restaurant meal or order some take out that does not mean I should eat a box of candy as dessert. I should enjoy it and move on with my life.
I need to remember what I want when i'm faced with tough situations. The lake house and holidays are always an issue because everyone is indulging in food and drink. I tend to turn "indulging" into shoveling food/alcohol into my mouth as fast as possible, like i'll never see another bit of food again. I need to remember that I want to feel good and look good.
I know I can do this. I've overcome many obstacles in life. I just need to keep focused.