First, I would like to thank all of you for supporting me, when I was moaning. :-) I don't know if I am still on a plateau because I decided not to weigh myself this morning. Believe me, it was giving me a hard time not to do so, but having read that article about being obsessed with the scales I figured that I really am. The numbers showing each morning (yes, I step on the scales each morning) determine, whether I will be in a good or a bad mood that day.
Instead, I will try to listen to my body and stick to my healthier lifestyle. I really want to start focusing on my intrinsic motivation, rather than the extrinsic one. Until a few days ago I didn't realize that my only motivation for dieting was extrinsic. That is, I was longing for compliments, hoping for the scales to show a lower number, only for the sake of it, I was hoping that dieting would help me get to meet a nice guy, I wanted to be recognized for my better looks and not be "ignored" because of being overweight, I wanted to wear a lower pants size, and so on. When thinking about it, that is so stupid, because every time I had reached a low number on the scales, compliments came in, but obviously, after a while stopped as people considered it to be normal for me to weigh less. And that is when my vicious cycle began again. As soon as I lack extrinsic motivation, I stop dieting and put all that weight on again. This self-fulfilling prophecy not only makes me suffer from that yo yo-effect, it also makes me feel bad and not likable. Which, honestly, is so stupid of me. Well, so for the past two days, I have tried to find my intrinsic motivation. It is really hard, but eventually, it will help me to keep my body weight down, even when compliments stop flushing in.
So, what is my intrinsic motivation? Funny enough, the exercise and better nutrition make me feel better and more self-confident, despite the plateau. Which already shows me, that I should listen to my body more often, rather than having the scales dictate me how to feel. I can be proud of myself - I am exercising, I started wearing make-up again, I am beginning to style when going to university rather than just putting on an old sweater and looking grumpy all the time. For the first time in months I don't feel like I want to be invisible. That is such a great feeling. I actually started flirting again - which I haven't done in a long time. And it feels great!!!! So, there it is, my intrinsic motivation. It is how I want to feel about myself. It is hard to remain the knowledge of my changed feelings so I am trying to write a diary entry every day. I want to remind myself that it is not worth eating and feeling embarrassed or unworthy of any affection by someone. I want to be proud of myself and I want to be seen!!! I am a funny and nice person. Why do I always hide and keep my friends from seeing that great me? It is the unhealthy lifestyle - so my intrinsic motivation is to lead a healthy lifestyle and reveal the true, happy and self-confident me!!!
So that is what I wish for everyone else on Sparkpeople to find!!!