Tuesday, April 24, 2012
I went to the gym today and I'm very proud to say that I completed my scheduled workout! It felt great and I'm very proud of myself. The last time that I completed one of my scheduled workouts (in its entirety) was about 2 weeks ago. I know that the only reason why I haven't been completing my workouts is sheer laziness.
Well, maybe not SHEER laziness. I mentioned in my last post that I'm really not sure if I am self-sabotaging. It's hard for me to visualize my own goals because none of them consist of anything I've ever done before. Going down to 135lbs....I've never been there. Well, maybe once but I certainly wasn't old enough to remember it. I'm not sure what I will look like as a 135lb adult. Sometimes I wonder if all the weight is going to come from my boobs and I'm going to be sad and disappointed. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to look "too skinny". Sometimes I wonder if it will be harder to find clothes because I'll be a common size and all the items in my size will be sold out. Sure, some of these things sound petty but it's those types of thoughts that I think all of the time. It's hard to stay motivated when things almost seem unattainable, or mysterious. I've spent most of my life being overweight to some degree, and this will be the first time I am seriously trying to change that. And it's a little scary. I think that it will be a long and interesting journey to my goal weight, and I'm both looking forward to and dreading it at the same time.