Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Today, I've talked to my back Dr, well it was Thurs, but I didn't hear her, there was sooo much going on at that appt, that I literally FROZE UP !! She was giving me so much info all at once, I just couldn't handle it. It was NOT her, it was ME !!! I tend to FREEZE UP. I DID have Elaine with me, who WAS taking notes. So today I talked to both Elaine. ALWAYS a good idea to have someone with you in this case, and Dr. Here's what was said in just:
So please realize what was decided IS a good idea. With whats going on with my back,,, 3 different things, of which 1 can be surgery to help, I am NOT sure about this, we'll talk more next time, I've always NO to this. Surgery on the back begets MORE surgery later on down the road. The other 2 conditions, nothing can be done, doesn't matter what they are. Also a neurological illness, of which has reached it peak, also nothing can be done, and my poor footie. The foot, more surgery will be done, who knows the outcome, no matter the outcome, there's localize otheoporsis in it, I'll keep breaking it, dispite all, and the toes are severly twisted. Alone, any of these things, can EASILY be handled, EASILY SO !! Well , admittly they are HARD to but, CAN be dealt with, but combined together, they are very hard. The neurologal illness has progressed to a point, making walking extremely hard. Making it so when I walk, bringing the foot forward is unreal hard, so I am now back in my wheelchair.
This is actually a GOOD THING !! NOT something to be considered "bad" or be "pitied". I've ALWAYS KNOWN I'd eventually be back in it. If you've ever read my story, you know that 5 yrs ago, I was told "Diane, you will NEVER Walk again !" and I DID against ALL ODDS !!!! I had to FIGHT LIKE MAD to do so !! But, I DID SO !! WOHOOOOO ! These past 5 yrs were a SPECIAL GIFT I knew would NOT last long. It was soo neat to have them this long. I knew again, it would NOT last. Like a precious orcid, it was given to be enjoyed for awhile. The time has passed. OH the FUN I HAD !! LOLOL I did UNBELIEVABLE things I was NOT supposed to DO !!!!!!!! I WAY OVER DID IT too !! HAHAHAHA ! SHOCKING myself and my Dr's !!! Almost putting myself in danger MANY times, by rollerskating, climbing up a ride, that was 51 ft high and WEEEEEE DOWN that water ride I WENT this past summer !! That was HUGH NO NO !!! BOY OH BOY did my Dr's FREAK OUT AT THAT ! And yes, I DID get hurt, but I could of EASILY of gotten paralyzed from it !!!! Instead I was soo LUCKY that I just hurt myself for awhile !!!! I ESCAPED AGAIN !! Playing AGAIN with fate !!!! WOW I did that A LOT !! hehehehe I DID SO MANY things !!!!! Dancing, bowling, tried running, I just HAD FUN !!
So is this a "SAD" thing? NOPPERS !!!! its FINE !!! it'll take sometime to adjust though. ANd yes I'll need help to adjust to it, and I am looking for a good therapist to help me, for I still see myself as one who can still SKI and RUN and do NOT see myself as permanently this time in it, and yet, I KNOW this time it IS ! So yeah, I need the help to adjust. Hey now this time,,,, I want to go chair dancing, and FAST !! Surely they MUST ALLOW chair bowling? They CAN"T expect me to go bowling on my belly? LOL What SITE that'd BE ! HAHAHAHAHA !!!!!! I can't get back UP !!! Picturing a beached whale,,,sorry I see things in a cartoon situation,,,,,see I DO Laugh A LOT at life !!! Its NOT a bad thing.
I had been so fortunate and I STILL AM !!!! I STILL AM !!!!!! For NOW I will have the energy to do the things I WANT TO DO !! I've been fighting so HARD to walk,,,its been drawing away my strength from doing things I WANT to do, like reading, painting more. Playing my guitar, my Wii. I want to have SO MANY people over to my place, but I've been "to tired" from trying to walk" ,,,i've NOT had the energy and been in so much extra pain on my left side. So this will rebuild it. For the past few months, I've been laying in bed,,,starting literally at the walls, and not moving at all, thats NOT living.
Should you ever later on, find yourself in a situation,,,thats drastic,,you can choose to cry about it, or do as I am,,,,and look for the positive about it. This is how I first ALSO handled it. A power chair is FUN to drive !! DO NOT BE FOOLED !! They ARE FUN to DRIVE !!! Do you think, we do NOT like SPINNING THEM? You'd be WRONG !!!! that kitten of mine,,,, SPIN HER !! Like a salad spinner I will if my neck can handle it, Wincey used to LOVE IT !!
Looking so forward to seeing if I can regain any energy now. I HOPE SO !!!! THANKS ALL !!!!! I HOPE SO !!!! WEEEEEEEE going for a RIIIIIIDDDDEEEEEEE