Practicing my "no"
Sunday, April 22, 2012
A while ago, I was reading a book about codependency (turns out I have been codependent for years, but since it was never related to alcohol or drugs I never had any idea). The author, a licensed psychologist, was telling of a case study from his practice. He mentioned that the client came to the office one day and said, "I need a new no. Mine doesn't work." That describes me to a T! No makes me feel so terribly guilty and selfish.
Today, I received a Facebook friend request from someone I was friends with over 20 years ago. He and I even went on one double date, but nothing ever happened from there. Later, things went very far south. We never patched things up, although once or twice we saw each other at an event and we were not unpleasant to each other. I harbor no ill feelings toward this man and have forgiven him for the hurt he caused. However, I have no desire to have any kind of relationship with him, even on Facebook. I thought about it and wondered, "What harm would it cause to accept his request?"
Then I decided today is a day for me to practice my no. What good will it do to be his FB friend? There may be no harm done, but neither would there be any good done. One has to draw a line somewhere and because I need to practice my no, this is my line in the sand. On my way to work today, I practiced saying no over and over again, as many different ways as I could. I even practiced telling myself no ("No, I don't need that ice cream today").
I have also decided not to tell my husband about this. Not because I am worried in any way, but because I know he would back me up on my know. I think he would not like me being friends with this guy, and would tell me just not to accept the request if I don't want to. He would give me more strength to say my no. But the problem is that I have a hard time telling my husband no too. I need to learn to use my no all by myself, without his muscle behind me. If I am tempted to cave, I will ask my husband for his help, but today I am practicing my no alone. I can do this!