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    MISSLISA1973   39,921
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Practicing my "no"

Sunday, April 22, 2012

A while ago, I was reading a book about codependency (turns out I have been codependent for years, but since it was never related to alcohol or drugs I never had any idea). The author, a licensed psychologist, was telling of a case study from his practice. He mentioned that the client came to the office one day and said, "I need a new no. Mine doesn't work." That describes me to a T! No makes me feel so terribly guilty and selfish.

Today, I received a Facebook friend request from someone I was friends with over 20 years ago. He and I even went on one double date, but nothing ever happened from there. Later, things went very far south. We never patched things up, although once or twice we saw each other at an event and we were not unpleasant to each other. I harbor no ill feelings toward this man and have forgiven him for the hurt he caused. However, I have no desire to have any kind of relationship with him, even on Facebook. I thought about it and wondered, "What harm would it cause to accept his request?"

Then I decided today is a day for me to practice my no. What good will it do to be his FB friend? There may be no harm done, but neither would there be any good done. One has to draw a line somewhere and because I need to practice my no, this is my line in the sand. On my way to work today, I practiced saying no over and over again, as many different ways as I could. I even practiced telling myself no ("No, I don't need that ice cream today").

I have also decided not to tell my husband about this. Not because I am worried in any way, but because I know he would back me up on my know. I think he would not like me being friends with this guy, and would tell me just not to accept the request if I don't want to. He would give me more strength to say my no. But the problem is that I have a hard time telling my husband no too. I need to learn to use my no all by myself, without his muscle behind me. If I am tempted to cave, I will ask my husband for his help, but today I am practicing my no alone. I can do this!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABIESTEPS 4/25/2012 8:05AM

    AMEN!

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YIWEN39 4/23/2012 7:06PM

    emoticon Practice will make a perfect NO ;-) For all occasions when it's needed! emoticon

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MINDA31807 4/23/2012 6:20PM

    My no doesn't work either, so it is time for me to practice saying no as well!

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BABY_GIRL69 4/23/2012 4:05PM

    As long as it is on your terms & if goofs up again, unfriend him.

God bless,

Dee

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CINDHOLM 4/23/2012 12:59PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEARTOMYHEART 4/23/2012 10:20AM

  Way to go!! We all need practice saying that word NO!! Good for you, keep up the great work. It will get easier over time. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VALERIEBARBER 4/23/2012 9:23AM

    saying NO will get easier and another saying for me is "NO THANK YOU"
i say it often to myself and coworkers! by saying "NO", my clothes are loose, my knees feel a lot better and i have more energy and i just feel better about ME!
WE CAN DO THIS!
HANG IN THERE!

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SUSIQZER 4/23/2012 7:52AM

    YAY to getting your "no" on!

I love that you're starting small, with a FB friend request. Get a little practice, and it'll get easier over time.



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PIXIEWIXIE 4/23/2012 7:04AM

    NO, I like it. I tend to say "no" to almost everything at first, then sometimes re-evaluate and say, "maybe". "Maybe" I need to start practicing my "YES". Great blog tho, food for thought. Oh ya, no food... forgot there for a moment... hehe.

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DAVEYSHADOW 4/23/2012 4:52AM

    emoticon Facebook does have it's own social problems!

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SUNRISE14 4/23/2012 1:37AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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123ELAINE456 4/23/2012 1:15AM

  Awesome Blog. We all need to preactice saying the word no and meaning it. You can do this. It is the WAY TO GO!!! God Bless and Have a Wonderful Week.

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LESLIE9V 4/22/2012 11:54PM

    emoticon

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MTULLY 4/22/2012 10:20PM

    You have put a lot of thought into your decision, and you have definitely made the right choice. This is the perfect place to start practicing your "no". Good for you!!!

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SONYALATRECE 4/22/2012 9:47PM

    You certainly CAN do this. Just say no by thinking of the worse case scenario as the consequence.
Hopefully this will make your "no" easier.


Sonya

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THEEXERCISER 4/22/2012 9:44PM

    You can do this!

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