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I didn't realize...

Sunday, April 22, 2012

How self conscious I used to be around people I don't know. We were at the bowling ally for Jake's party yesterday and there were 8 other children from his class coming. I'm not able to be very active in either of my kid's classrooms because I work full time and I really have not met many of the parents. As the kids were coming yesterday, I was standing around with some of the parents, and I had all of these thought bubbles start popping in my head. "He doesn't know you used to be fat(ter)" as I offered one dad ice cream. "I'm not that much bigger than her" as I was chatting with another mom. "I feel pretty normal now" as a few of us were discussing our summer plans.... I had NO idea that these kinds of things were, at some point, an issue in the back of my head. These weren't "bad" thoughts I was having, just things that were coming to the forefront of my brain. It was very strange, and almost out-of-body like. This has never happened to me before, and I don't know if anyone else has had this happen, but I just thought I'd share.
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  • ACCT1908
    I have these thoughts ALLL the time when I'm out now. Like "I wonder if they can tell I used to weigh 300+" "Do I look normal now?"

    Good to know it's not just me!
    2129 days ago
  • -RUBIES-
    I think it's pretty normal. I don't have very prominent thoughts such as what you've described but that's only because my current weight (i'm in maintenance) is the size I've been most of my life. Prior to maintenance, my heaveier weight, was apart of my life for about 9 years, but I always saw myself as the weight I was before having gained.
    2129 days ago
    I have found I am more outgoing as well. People I didn't use to talk to because I thought they'd judge me I'm talking to. I actually know some of the people in my different work out classes and when I miss a day they wonder where I am and if I'm okay. I went out for future hubby's b-day a couple weeks ago and danced my butt off. It's a bar where the ladies are suppose to get up and dance on the bar, I've always been to terrified to do it. To worried I'm the fat girl, well I got up there with a friend and we were amazing. Got a couple cheers to.
    Keep enjoying the new found confidence.
    2129 days ago
    I am 57 years young and honestly cannot remember a time when I didn't have random thoughts like that. My weight has been up and down (mostly up) all of my life. Thoughts like ".. I'm not that much bigger than her.." are so familiar. Sometimes I'll even ask whoever I'm with, "Is my butt as big as hers?" I think it's normal to think these thoughts when you're fighting fat demons.
    2129 days ago
    I think the same things sometimes! Several of the parents at the school did not recognize me, and it was weird. Whenever my weight loss comes up, I feel proud of course, but also sometimes I feel embarrassed also. I do feel more normal now and not like everyone is just noticing how fat I am. It's an amazing feeling to be able to just feel like a normal person.
    2129 days ago
    Yeah I definitely have been experiencing more moments like that. It is strange adjusting to a new body you are not used to. Kinda comes with the territory. It is definitely an adjustment!!!
    2130 days ago
  • PATIB13
    I have thoughts like that often, I don't think they are necesarily negative as long as they aren't making you feel like you are "less" than anyone else. If you take those thoughts and realize HEY I am not such and such and see how far you have come then they can be positive reinforcements.
    2131 days ago
    Yes. I have had the same things happen to me and I am only halfway to my goal weight!

    I have thoughts about not feeling like the biggest person in the room anymore. I have thoughts about feeling "normal" now and about looking cute in my outfit. It is a wonderful feeling to not have negative thoughts about myself when I am with others.

    People may still see me as an obese woman but, for me, life is good because my attitude is changed and I feel strong and proud. Losing 70 lbs. is a big accomplishment and I did it all by myself and naturally!

    Enjoy the new thoughts and feelings you are having and know that you are not alone. :0)
    2131 days ago
    Oh, I so get this!

    Yet another reason why I am so glad that no one is transcribing my internal dialog!!
    2131 days ago
    I just noticed this yesterday! I was trying on sunglasses at the store like "these would have looked awful on my fatter face" and "I fit in more normal clothes now" etc etc. It is a good thing that you notice - you can hold onto these thoughts as fuel for maintaining and losing even more!
    2131 days ago
  • TEMPEST272002
    I've had these kinds of thoughts too. At my new workplace, no one has seen me 100lbs overweight... which is a slightly bizarre thought. Glad I'm not the only one thinking these things.
    2132 days ago
    I have these type of thoughts daily too.Especially when people come in to the dancing school for info and I think "at least I look more normal now and they won't be thinking how on earth can that fat lump teach ballet?".I feel that people judge me less now that I'm a more "normal" size, but of course it was probably just me judging myself. I'm glad that you feel more normal now and not like the biggest in the room. Enjoy the sensation...I'm sure our wacky thoughts will evaporate once we've got used to our new size . It just goes to show how weight affected us so profoundly before even if unconsciously. emoticon emoticon
    2132 days ago
    Me too. It is a very strange feeling to have.
    2132 days ago
    Yep, definitely have those thoughts. Always have, no matter what my size...
    2132 days ago
    I am trying to have more positive thoughts myself. I catch sight of myself in a mirror or window and think "I look normal" -- what a double-edged sword that is.
    2132 days ago
    I can relate. It's for me as if the doubt is there in the back of my head- would he be talking to me if I was still fat? Would I have made friends this quickly before? It's a weird set of thoughts with me. I have to move past them.
    2132 days ago
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