Wish this was easier....
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Well I'm back to try this yet again. I started what I thought was again after the new year but that didn't last long. Whatever little weight I did lose was gained back. It seems like two steps forward one step back. I can't help but feel like I just lost a whole year. I joined Spark last year in March and here I am a year later back at square one. But I guess I have learned some things along the way:
1. I know I'm too addicted to food to have any "bad" foods around me. If they are here I will eat them.
2. I also can't have just 1 cookie even, because it sets off a binge and I eat the whole bag. I don't think I'll be able to test the waters so to speak till I'm closer to goal weight and have a while of being "good" under my belt.
3. That I need to get to the emotional reasons why I eat and resolve that. (easier said than done)
4. I need to get better at putting myself first.
I guess I can only wait to see how it goes, taking it one week at a time. This was my first week back and so far it was a good week. Onward and upward
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I found, that if I made this about having a healthy relationship with food and retraining myself with new food habits' instead of it being about my weight, it is a much different experience than simply loosing weight, AGAIN!
I'd like to invite you to read some of my blogs.. .I think you'll be able to relate.
I thought I was addicted to food, (see my ice cream blog)... But, I realized it was just about old and poor eating habits such as eating out of the pint sized carton until nothing was left. I thought I would have to forever avoid the foods i loved because how could I control myself, ever, around them? But I finally realized I cannot live in a bubble and my whole journey was about having a healthy relationship with food... And avoidance, to me, is as equally unhealthy and obsessive as binging and overindulging!
So, I have been practicing how to eat ONE true serving without going back for more. A few of my newest "tricks" are:
1) the old adage of taking your time while you eat. I used to eat while watching tv or on the computer, or reading the mail or multi tasking in someway. Now I sit quietly and tune into my meal. I try to taste every flavor and texture in my mouth. I put my fork/spoon down between bites and wait at least 10 seconds from the time I swallowed my previous bite, before I pick it up for another bite. Let me tell you, that 10 second wait feels like a lifetime and was a BIG eye opener in how fast I used to just quickly shove the next bite of food into my mouth. I try not to distract myself during that 10 seconds. I just sit there, patiently for the next bite. This IS hard to do! I find this has really helped me to NOT shovel food into my mouth mindlessly. It also helps me eat slower and thus that feeling of fullness kicks in while I'm still eating or very shortly after because it's taking me about 15 minutes to eat, which seems like forever given I eat a lot of smaller sized frozen foods with a side of fresh steamed veggies.
I NEVER NEVER eat a snack food without first taking my allotted portion out of the box. I do not even take a bite of it until I have put the original container away and I am in a place that I can focus on just me and my eating. With food like ice cream, which I refuse to give up, I dish out the proper portion and I will literally close my eyes so I can truly just enjoy the creaminess of the ice cream and the textures of the "chunky stuff" in the ice cream. I truly savor each bite. I also try to plan a "distraction" activity immediately after I eat the ice cream to prevent me from reaching back into the freezer as I head into the kitchen to put my empty bowl in the dishwasher. The activity I usually choose is a nice relaxing shower, that distracts me and confines me thus preventing me from wandering back into my kitchen for more food. While I'm in the shower I usually just decompress and think about nothing but the feel of the water or sometimes i will enjoy how good it felt to be in control of my eating and give myself praise for another success. By the time I am done my shower, the urge to want to put more ice cream in my mouth is gone, it has worked EVERY time! I have also used SP as a distraction by blogging or reading other people's posts and requests for support, immediately after i put my empty bowl in the dishwasher. That, too, has been a great distraction. But anything could work, such as folding and putting away laundry, walking the dog, cleaning the cats literbox, calling a friend, checking email... Anything that lasts about 15- 20 minutes. I don't usually use the tv as a distraction because that was an old trigger to eat: turn tv on=eating mindlessly!
Another tip is to tell yourself what you can have, not what you can't/shouldn't have. I find if I think about all the great healthy things I like and enjoy and i can/should have, I tend to think less about the unhealthy choices out there. I have many substitute foods. Before I felt I was able to control my ice cream intake I bought single serve chocolate pudding cups. That was my treat. Oddly enough, I have still have several pudding cups sitting in my refrigerator, that I dont even remember are there until i open it up and see them. They have literally been there for weeks now and for all I know, they're expired! my new go to is pineapple or a juicy minneola tangelo... Sweet and juicy. YUMMY.
I used to decompress by demolishing, all while in a trance like state, a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Now I have a hot cup of tea with honey, every night. I truly feel incomplete without it. I even think about that, sometimes, when I'm in the shower and tell myself, "ooh, I get to have my tea and honey after this!" and, I truly do look forward to it.
Find substitutes for your old favorites because they WILL become your new favorites. It takes time and practice... But you'll get there!
1575 days ago
Comment edited on: 5/4/2012 2:27:20 AM
This is a journey my friend. You will have highs and lows. You will fall off the wagon every now and again. We all have been there and done that. Just dust yourself off, get back on and keep moving forward. You will succeed! There are things you will need to change though in order to. New choices you will need to make. You will need to exercise. I suggest you start with walking and go from there. All in all though, it can be done. It just takes time, some effort, and determination. It will get easier!! Begin with small changes (Baby Steps)and build from there. Take advantage of the support here too. It helps A LOT!! And most of all don't forget...
1579 days ago
I too fell away and now I am back......I have learned that I need to forgive myself if I fall away a day or two or a week.....I kept getting emails from SP and I would think to myself every time "I need to go back!" except I was afraid to go back and I was ashamed I stopped tracking. I am making new goals and trying to get back on track! I am so proud of the friends that are still here through thier success and failures. There is endless support here and I love it! Welcome Back! Cheers!
1586 days ago
You're on the right track. Getting to the root of the emotional eating was the key for me. Then making small changes and sticking with it. You have to get rid of the "all or nothing" mentality for lasting success. Baby steps.
1586 days ago
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
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