Sunday, April 22, 2012
Hopefully this will be the last of sad blogs. I just read my last blog from February. Things have gone from bad to worse.
Since I wrote that blog I had an infection in my eye. It was so bad I was hooked up to an IV for a week. The swelling went down only to reveal I had shingles in my eye. On the medication for that for 3 days and had to meet my mom in the hospital. A day later she passed away in my arms.
Dad wanted a private funeral. I did what he wanted. Truth is I wanted to see mom's friends and family to hear their stories of mom. I feel cheated out of the whole reason we have funerals.
It has been a few weeks since mom has been gone. I was hoping that my life would get back to normal. I can't see that happening soon. There is always going to be obstacles in life. Most of the time I welcome a challenge. This time life got me down. I thought I had beat my "eat it to feel better" habit. Apparently not.
Not only have I been sick and mom passing I am up in weight I am 215lbs. I had gotten down to 185 just before Christmas. So that is 30 lbs UP in 3 months.
I keep saying that I will never be the fat girl again. I don't want to be. I know what to do. I have all the tools, I have my spark friends. What I don't have is the drive. My get up and go just got up and left.
Blah, blah blah woe is me. My life sounds like a country and western song. This is where I am suppose type in I am ready willing and able to get back on track. This is where I promise myself that this will never happen again. I never make promises that I can't keep. So what I am promising myself is that I will not lie to me. I will take full responsibility of all my actions. I will not make up excuses for eating that bowl (I mean tub) of ice cream. It will not be because it will make me feel better.
My mom 20 years ago. Of all the photo's of mom, this one truly represents her personally the best.
Ruby Helen Fudge