Saturday, April 21, 2012
There is a lot of discussion of the importance of moving--moving physically, spiritually and in relationships. The philosopher Heraclitus proposed that life is all about change, such that to put one's toe in the water flowing by in a stream is an unrepeatable act--it will always keep changing with the flow of the river.
I believe that this is true. If you watched the movie "A river runs through it" it carries this theme. Having acknowledged this truth I will also acknowledge that change can be very painful. Starting over again at this "serene" age was not something I saw coming. The truth is, I was in a relationship that seemed unable to change although both of us were changing. This caused a lot of conflict (much of it silent/passive) that was not pleasant. Nonetheless, it was familiar. And familiarity is often hard to give up for positive change.
Being alone can, in fact, spoil you. I come and go as I wish, I see what and whom I wish to see, I structure my apartment to my liking and not anyone else's liking. I go exercise when I want to go, I eat at the restaurants I want to eat at and I realize this could be another comfortable pattern. However, I am not a person who wants to go through life by myself and I know this will inevitably lead to change, some of which I will like, and some I will not like.
One thing is certain, I am very determined to get my weight loss/fitness program back into high gear. So far, since weighing in on April 2, I have lost 8.4 lbs, I am exercising on my recumbent cross trainer a little more every day and feeling stronger. My blood sugars are normalizing and I am requiring less insulin. My chief physical difficulty is a foot ulcer and a toe with some infection. This means I am forced to stay off my feet as much as possible. I hope to see that situation improve soon, but if not, I may have to have surgery. No matter--I am determined to march on to renewed health and strength.
This journey has not been easy--I lost 85 lbs and regained 55, but at least I got stopped with the weight gain before regaining it all. My plan--moving forward with all due haste toward renewed health and happiness.