The Right to Decide
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Making a choice,it is something that happens every day and several times a day. I know that a lot of my anxiety comes when I have a decision to make. What usually happens is I try to put it off. If I can’t, I make it and then second guess myself or I feel bad that I don’t follow through on what is important to me. Or even worse yet, I say “Oh what the *bleep*!” I am just going to do whatever I want to and regret it later.
I am making an effort to try and not be so hard on myself. I want to enjoy life and do it in a way that I don’t beat myself up about later. So, I think I make too big a deal out of not achieving my goals and by doing so creating a life with less joy, less pleasure and less satisfaction? If I balance my life and honor myself and my needs then I am sure my choices would make me happier. I think it is important to consider what will work for me. Not in a selfish kind of way but out of my own need for self care.
Not knowing. That is always the scary part. What am I giving up here? What will someone think of me? If the worse can happen, then it probably will happen to me. These kinds of thoughts keep me from growing and living a full and meaningful life. Then there is the next question I need to answer. What is really meaningful for me.? What I need to do is pause, take a breath, relax and put it all in perspective. How I feel is how I am feeling. I can acknowledge that and even not like it. But knowing that feeling and moving on is key.
I can feel good or bad or indifferent, then bring my awareness to what I want, what I prefer, what I wish to have happen. If I take that one moment to consider what I feel, what I am experiencing, and what I want , decisions seems a lot easier. I realize now, that I have been trapped in thinking that my wants and desires don’t really matter that much. I end up focusing on the negative emotions and what is the right thing to do. I gotta accept that there is no perfect answer. Maybe, with this new understanding, I will live life a little more vibrantly. This is all really new to me so I hope I get better at it as I go.