Thursday, April 19, 2012

How can one person in your life cause so much pain?

My Dad breaks my heart over and over. He has been out of his mind since my mother passed away. I didn't want to believe my mother-in-law when she told me he would be trying to date within a month. A month came and he was all ready to go looking online for love. He actually sent an airplane ticked to someone in Guam that he "was in love with" to come move here and move in with him. Suprise Suprise that didn't work out. I was so mad at him with that one I cried for two days straight it seemed like. It took everything Brandon (my husband) had to calm me down.

Then things coasted for a few months. By few I mean two months exactly. In this time I was talking to my dad almost everyday. Having him cry on the phone and talk about killing himself a few times. It got bad and ugly. The doctor put him on happy pills. Which he didn't take for long. His soultion was once again getting back on the dating roller-coaster. I say roller-coaster because it has been non-stop since October.

He started going out with a school teacher. He went on two dates and was already leaning towards something serious with her. I think he pushed too fast and scared her off. Then a buddy from work pawned off a bar lizzard. That's the only nice way to descrbie Missy. Lucky for me while my husband was in the hospital my dad brought her down to Huntsville to meet me. He took my stress and made it that much greater. Then Christmas dinner we went to her house. That was the most un-comfortable I have ever felt. Right afterwards on January 1st he breaks up with her. Says that she was just using him for his money. There was nothing between them and he had to get his truck back from her. He let her use it and she had to put a breathalizer on it because she is on probation for a DUI. Which is why she doesn't have her own vehicle. Plus I get this juicy information that the only two times they had sex she was drunk and then she accused my dad of taking advantage of her. So they break-up finally.

Then right before Valentine's Day they get back together. JOY! Then he calls and tells me that she is moving in. So at this point I need to get down to Cove so I can get my mother's things before she throws them away. Because she doesn't want antyhing that belongs to my mother in the house. "Well sorry lady guess your gonna have to get a new house!". My Dad get's rid of the bedroom set and kithchen set becasuse Missy doesn't like them. Plus they decide to paint the house every color of the damn rainbow. That last's about two weeks. He then decieds that she is using him..this a revalation. WOw could the reason she wanted to move in is because her mother is selling the trailer she lives in now! Why he didn't believe himself the first time I will never know. So he starts going to online dating sites again. Starts causually dating two women. Sleeps with one and then decides she might not be right for him. This is in March. After the second time of them breaking up I finally come clean to my dad how I felt about
Missy. He knows that I can't stand her and neither can the rest of the family. After all this excitement he tells me that he has been talking to his ex-wife Becky. Now my parent's were married for 36 years. So they haven't been married for 40 years. He says that they were talking even while he was dating Missy. He tells me that she is moving from North Carolina and moving in with him. They are going to take it slow and see how things go. She is moving into the guest bedroom. I'm actually okay with this situation at this point for two reasons.

One being it wasn't Missy moving in!

Two being that at least there was something there with Becky. He used to be married to her and they were going to take things slow. Or at least slow for my dad. Which to everyone else is rocket speed!

So everytime he talks to me he talks about how great Becky is and she has old photos of when they used to go together. How he is talking to her mother as well. See my dad has known Becky since he was a teenager. Heck he was 18 and she was 16 when they got together. I was kind of okay with the whole situation.

Then he calls and tells me that he has good news and bad news. That he really loves Missy. He loves Missy like he loved my mother is his exact words. That they had been hanging out a few times and he knows that the whole family has a problem with her. But we were just going to have to get over it. Because he was moving forward with his life with Missy. She was moving in and "would I like to buy the house from him?". I turned him down flat. There is no way that I can live in that house. The memories alone would hurt too bad. All I see when I'm there is my mother. I think that she should be walking out of the bedroom. The bed in living room is still there for me. So he goes and asks my brother. Who says yes. So once again I need to get myself down to Cove to the things I want out of the house. This goes on through Easter.

Afterwards he calls me and tells me that he is back with Becky and he asked her to marry him!! Now he is acting like Becky is his long lost love that he has been pinning for her for forty years. They are getting married on NOV 3rd the same day they got married 40 years ago. It would be romantic if I didn't know all the previous story. I'm sure Becky doesn't have a clue. How can he go from loving Missy like he loved my mother to getting married to Becky. It just doesn't make any sense to me. He actually called asked me what the preachers name that did my mother's memorial service was. Because he wants to have him come out to the house to do the wedding! At first he couldn't decide if they were going to have a big wedding a JP wedding. Now they are on this course. He just went to Zale's last night and got the rings. PLURAL!! What happend to taking it slow to finding out if you are going to work togther. The last time you guys were together was over 38 years ago. That's how long they have been divorced! He is just making me crazy. I know why I have stress bumps it's because of him. I don't think I can be part of this wedding. Her daughter talks to my dad and invited me to be her friend on FB. But Becky herself hasn't reached out to me at all. She is supposed to be getting married to my dad but has no intrest in his daughter. Yeah that shows great family bonding to me. Because according to my dad "I"m going to have a bigger family now"! Well I don't want a bigger family. I want the family I have to actually be a dang family.

I'm just worried before May get's here when he is supposed to be going to Gerogia to get her that he is going to call me and tell me he has married Missy.

Thanks for letting me vent!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so sorry for the stress. I don't have wonderful words of wisdom and I know the main thing you needed to do was to vent. But I want you to know I'm sending big emoticon your way and lots of prayers too.
    2060 days ago

    This is a real tough situation Christina. Just know you can vent to us all that you need to. We are here for you. Hugs.
    2061 days ago
  • UNICORN212
    I saw his post on your Mom's picture on FB and I wanted to add "What do you think she would think of your actions? Would she be happy with what you are doing?" I barely managed to hold my fingers away from the keyboard!
    2061 days ago
    I am so sorry you are doing through this, that is so much for anyone to handle.
    2061 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/19/2012 3:43:15 PM
  • UNICORN212
    And probably the worst thing is that this has prevented you from processing your own grief! I hope he comes to his senses soon, and does not cause too much damage to the family.
    2061 days ago
    emoticon Christina, this has to be so difficult to go through, I am so sorry your emotions are being thrown back and forth by your dad's decisions. I am praying for the situation and love you!
    2061 days ago
    Oh honey I am so sorry you are going through this. Great big hugs.
    2061 days ago
    Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this. What a mess. Does your Dad realize how hurtful his actions are? It sounds like he is crazy with grief because his choices make no sense. Just keep taking care of yourself. If it will be too painful for you to be in the wedding, don't do it. Be true to yourself. emoticon
    2061 days ago
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