Thursday, April 19, 2012
I plan to go to Harris Teeter again today for super doubles. I don't know if I will be going every day like I normally do unless I get new electronic coupons that make it worthwhile, or new internet coupons to use.
Well it seems my name is dirt according to my father when I called him this week to see how he was doing. If you haven't read any of my blogs, he has colon cancer but had the cancerous part of his colon (tumor and part of his colon removed).
He asked me if I was coming down to visit and I had to explain once again why I haven't been down. He tends to forget (he's in his 70's) and I have to keep reminding him why I don't go down. I told him that I was not welcome by my mother/sister and they made sure that I knew it. My mother even called me 3 years ago and told me to make other plans for Thanksgiving and to not come to her house.
It's a long involved situation that I won't go into detail again on here, but suffice it to say, my mother makes sure that I don't receive much information and that I realize that I'm not a "part" of the family. As a result, it looks like I don't care for my family and according to my father, every one was shocked that I didn't go down for my father's surgery.
I really wanted to go, but it's a 5 hour drive (one way) and I'm not welcome at their home (well I am by my dad, but not my mother or sister) and I would have had to get a very expensive hotel (this is near Myrtle Beach, SC) and been treated poorly in the process.
I told my father that I get treated badly if I go down and I get treated badly if I don't so why endure that treatment in person? LOL I used to go down to visit all the time, but finally got a backbone and decided I was not going to be abused anymore by them (mother in particular) and enough was enough.
I have to stand up for me and not endure a bad relationship just because it's my mother. I don't wish her ill and love her and the rest of my family very much, but it's like being in an abusive marriage. You may love that person dearly and kill yourself trying to make the relationship work (and in the process you sacrifice yourself and your self-esteem) but if they aren't working on it and trying to treat you well, why keep doing it?
So I was told that everyone was talking about me not going there so as I figured, my name is once again dirt. It's been that way since I was a child and it will ALWAYS be that way regardless.
I call my father on a regular basis to see how he is. I called my mother the day he had surgery and she ignored my calls until later that evening where she lied about why she didn't call me.
This is where a lot of my emotional eating came from, the constant drama and her always finding a way to get "back" at me for some reason. She did the same thing to me as a child and it continues now, except she has to do it from a distance since I no longer burden her with my presence. Apparently she is not happy about that either, so I lose either way.
Regardless, I try to let my father know that I am concerned and I keep up with calling him often although they don't call me. I resign to the fact that I am the horrible daughter/cousin, niece, sister, etc. to everyone because I don't allow my mother to abuse me.