Thursday, April 19, 2012
A little nod at my clever friend BOB240 in the title there. Sorry, Bob. No tuna in the house right now...but I'll try to eat some next week, mmmkay?! *smiles innocently...sorta*
This is going to be a quick one.
I did NOT want to go to the gym this morning. My back was tight and sore (as it should be...well, the sore part, not the tight part) and I did NOT want to get out of bed. I snoozed the alarm no less than 3 times this morning before finally forcing myself to stand and then go about my business. Just eating breakfast seemed to be a chore. (I had to come back to it three times because I just didn't want to eat or do anything.) But I fought past the "I dun wannas" and something amazing happened.
It took at least an hour and a half for it to set in...with only 2 exercises left on my legs routine for the day. Call it endorphins or whatever you want, maybe it was the upbeat music cycling through my ears, but I suddenly stood up and wanted to dance. I realized that this morning was the first time I did not need to walk on the ball of my right foot when I rose out of bed this morning. The first time in at least 3 months that I haven't wanted to chop my own damn leg off because of the sheer pain shooting up the back of my foot. And then I realized I was almost done with the next to last workout of Phase I.
The worries of having to drive to the gym tomorrow for a workout faded away.
I confess, the past two days, but especially yesterday, I have been wondering how long I can hold out. This morning the thoughts of quitting started running through my head. It has not been without sacrifice that I have taken on this little task here.
Ironic that the moment I started considering my quitting options, the scale started cooperating fully with my efforts. It seems I had found that magical calorie intake number to lose properly on and yet, here in my own head, I was talking myself out of it because it was "too hard".
HA! "Too hard." What a funny saying.
Is it harder than having to tell everyone who asks you, "So how much weight have you lost NOW?" that you haven't lost any more since they talked to you about it 4 months ago?
Is it harder than admitting that no matter what you've tried you've continued to yo-yo around on this stupid thing they call a plateau, which your body laughs at and mocks you and gives you hope only to snatch it away?
Is it harder than the pain you've felt throughout your entire body from injuries that are more than likely due to your inconsistency?
No. It's not.
All thoughts of quitting melted away.
I won't say they're gone for good, but they are gone for now.
One more workout left. I'm getting through day 25 of a new program that I never dreamed of following to the end. Sure, I'm terrified or scared or nervous of some of the things coming up, but it's facing your fears and deciding something else is more important that brings you courage.
Tomorrow I will drive to the gym. I have all day to make the trip, but I will get it out of the way early. When I'm done, I'll take the unlikely opportunity to shop for the week in some of the stores here that cater to the more healthy eaters in the state. I will stop by the market for fresh produce. I will head down to the local Kroger here that sells tofu and has no less than four rows of health food items, as well as a cooler and a freezer, and has produce for sale that most people in my town wouldn't know the name of. I'll make a plan of attack and use the opportunity to get myself ready for the week. I'll restock my protein powder and make sure I'm ready for the road ahead on Phase II of my program.
And then I'll still be able to say I didn't quit. Even when it got "too hard" and I was tired.
I didn't quit.
I won't quit.
That's simply that.