It's a Struggle
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Well, here I am, half way through this week and I feel like I'm losing control and struggling with keeping everything straight and moving forward. I don't know what's going on with me, but wow, this is pretty insane!! It's not even about eating right.....which, I'll get to in a minute. Everything at the moment seems to be going it's own direction and I'm trying to fight it to keep it all going in the same direction. Very Very Very annoying!!
Last night was my husbands birthday....YAY! Happy Birthday AJ!!! We really did enjoy ourselves last night, we hung out together, went to the Old Market downtown, which is a fun place to be in the city, had a few drinks and a nice dinner. The two drinks I had were no big deal, but then the food came, it's like I totally lost control! You'd think I've never eaten before! I don't know why this keeps happening to me. I totally filled myself up way beyond the point of it being ok. I was so full it hurt to breathe. I'm really not sure why I do this to myself, I used to be so good at self control and it feels as though I've lost all control. I did great during the day with my good, but then dinner came and I couldn't hold back.
Tonight, I had it my head I was going to have a nice quite dinner by myself since AJ was working. I was going to have some zucchini with spices and mozzarella along with a chicken salad for dinner. I got home and started prepping the zucchini....I was doing good so far! I was waiting for the zucchini to cook on the stove when I opened the fridge and the pizza from last night was staring back at me. I thought, 'One piece will not hurt, I'll just swap it for the chicken salad'. I knew I was in an ok position to have one. Well, I didn't stop at one, I had two, plus my zucchini.....which was super good....and then I proceeded to have some cookie left over from the night before. I sit here now, full and feeling helpless and having a little pity party because I did something that did not make me proud or happy.
I find I do great during the day with my food, it's when I get home that really hurts me. I'm usually never starving when I get home, so it's not like I eat as much as I can since I'm starving. I usually always have an idea or two of what I'll make for dinner and think about it again on my way home from work. It seems lately, this isn't working for me. I get home and all thoughts go out the window and I eat whatever looks good. Or, if I do eat what I planned, I end up eat a 'few' snacks for the night and find that I'm going over my calorie limit. I drink enough water throughout the day and night so I'm not thirsty. I try and keep myself busy so I'm not thinking of food, but it just happens and before I know, my stomach is tight and full of food! What do you do to not overeat at nighttime? Any suggestions would be more than welcomed!
So, I admit it, I'm totally struggling on a week I thought would be great. I had good goals in place and I feel like I'm not going a good job. I can't even commit to small goals, let alone the big ones!
On the bright side, it is only Wednesday, I have a few days to turn around. I'm going to the gym tomorrow night and I promise, I will eat my chicken salad for tomorrow night that I was supposed to eat tonight! I can at least end the week on a good note.
A mini goal I have over the next couple of weeks is to post more photos on my site, maybe if I have more of my life for everyone to see, it'll hold me more accountable.
Happy Wednesday Hump Day Everyone!