Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I am officially engaged as of April 8th! My wonderful fiance proposed to me at the Japanese garden in town. The cherry blossom trees were in bloom and the sun was beaming. I will never forget that moment!
We set the date of our wedding in November, so we have time to plan everything, but it is fast approaching. I usually don't set weight loss goals that correlate with some event. In the past it has hindered me more than helping, because unless I make the (often unrealistic) goal weight in time, I feel like a failure and can't enjoy myself at the event. Nevertheless, I want to be a comfortable weight during the wedding so I can walk down the aisle with confidence. My goal is to lose 15-20 pounds by November, which feels realistic and attainable. I hope I don't get so caught up in the numbers that I forget that this is about my lifestyle, not just looking good on one very special day.
I had been doing better than ever before with watching what I eat. I wasn't tracking my nutritional intake at all. I simply ate healthy foods and reduced my consumption of junk food. I was keeping track of my progress by weighing daily and seemed to be able to control my weight by this alone.
Then, as Spring came around the corner, I went on a few road trips with my fiance. The first went well because we packed a cooler full of healthy foods and cooked whenever possible. The second trip, to see my family in Texas, didn't fare as well. I decided to eat meat "just during the trip" because I wanted to make my family happy. My fiance, who had been vegetarian for a few years, started eating meat again full force. Together we ate fast food, meat and gluten like there was no tomorrow.
I came back from the trip amazed to find myself weighing in at 140. I had been in the 130's for months, but 140 quickly became "okay." 140 was still comfortable. Sorta. (Not.) This had to mean I could just eat mindlessly because suddenly I was blessed with the metabolism of a teenage cheerleader, right? So, on came the binge. I wanted to cut out meat again, but found it difficult, no longer having the reinforcement of my partner sharing the vegetarian lifestyle with me. How could I say no to his mother's homemade meatloaf? Well, I didn't, but I felt guilty about it. Since then I've gotten back on track with not eating meat. Still, I need to focus on portion control and mindful eating.
I couldn't be more thrilled to be engaged and getting married to the person I love. I hope to be 130 by the wedding day, but want to keep the perspective of knowing that this isn't just about looking a certain way or being a specific dress size/weight on the scale. A few months ago I felt completely in control of my diet. A few life stresses thrown into the mix was all it took for me to get off track. When I started stuffing my face to the point of being uncomfortable in my jeans, and even my own skin, I knew it was time to pull out the trackers. Simply taking the time to recommit to my goals has given me a sense of control in my fast-changing life.