One Step Forward, Ten Steps Back
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I need help, Sparkfriends.
I'm slipping back into the abyss I emerged from not even a month ago. The one filled with depression and feelings of self-hatred and despair.
I am not normally one to air my private feelings in public. My coworkers get the "happy me." So do my parents. I rarely even talk to Eric about what is going on inside my head.
I've gotten to a point where I don't want to keep doing this to myself, but I don't know how to stop. I look for motivation on websites and in magazines, I come up with workouts to do on sunny days and rainy days. I set my alarm early so I can work out, only to hit the snooze button until the very last minute I can possibly be in bed. I fill my refrigerator with beautiful, nutritious food, and then I make frequent side trips to the store for binging reasons.
At first, my school work was doing well, but my health was suffering. Then my health was doing well, but my grades were slipping. Now both are doing poorly. And I feel helpless.
I feel so vulnerable posting this blog, but I am hoping there are people out there who can give me advice. In the very least, I hope there are people out there in a similar situation who can at least take comfort in the fact that they aren't alone.
Any comments are much appreciated.