I've just started my journey back to health. I've always considered myself fairly active. I just didn't have a body that kept up with what I thought I could do. I worked out occasionally. I usually ate well.
It wasn't until early this unseasonably warm spring that I tried to go hiking a nearby mountain (Sugarloaf, MD, if anyone is interested). My boyfriend pushed me to try the route that went straight up. I was ready for the hike. I wasn't ready for my failing lungs. We had to stop 5 minutes up the incredibly steep incline for me to catch my breath. I might be able to walk a slowly increasing incline on a treadmill, but straight up? In fresh air? Apparently my occasional workouts weren't cutting it.
Ryan (the BF) and I moved in together at the beginning of the year. One of the reasons stated was to eat better. We couldn't control what we were eating when surrounded by those who liked to order bad food. Pizza one night, Chinese another, homemade fried chicken and lots of butter and processed foods. Yet it took me over two months to realize I had brought some of those habits with me into the new place. My occasionally eating healthy foods wasn't offsetting my usually eating unhealthy. Not to mention the impact on my wallet. New job might pay better and be less stressful, but that money goes quickly when you start looking at lunch out 3 times a week. McDonald's breakfasts twice a week. And maybe occasionally treating myself to Panera. Occasionally cooking a healthy dinner wasn't stopping me from also occasionally cooking Kraft Mac and Cheese. Or checking out that new recipe for cookies and cakes. I might love baking, but it was not loving me. I would say to myself, I made homemade chicken yesterday, but I'm just tired today. Let's order a pizza.
But the breaking point? The turn around? One misplaced comment from earlier mentioned boyfriend. I didn't give him too much crap for it since he was more than slightly inebriated, but it still stung.
Everyone has that friend. That person that they know who is larger than they are. And we always think to ourselves, unfairly, mind you, that as long as I don't get THAT big. Hey I gained a little extra weight, but I'm still no where near her (his/their) size, so I'm okay. And my friend still has quite a lot of weight on me. However, sometimes its not about numbers, its about perception.
So when my loving BF came up behind my friend and I (very drunk) and made the comment that he couldn't tell who was who from behind, I might have taken it a little too literally.
Certainly while sober, he says that I look nothing like her. But apparently I had reached my vanity breaking point.
I KNOW. I know that it is bad to think like this. To compare myself to someone else. I KNOW that it's petty and demeaning. I know that it's not my best moment. However, it wasn't until that comment that I realized something had to change. Perception or not, I HAD gained weight. My "occasionallys" were no longer cutting it with me.
Two days later I was back at the gym.
So 7 weeks ago, I started working out. A lot. And I started tracking what I did. I no longer am trying to remember what days I worked out last week to justify taking a day off the next week. I now KNOW what days I worked out. I know how much I did. How many minutes I did and on what I did them on.
And just a few weeks ago, I rediscovered my SparkPeople page. Now I'm posting on there what I'm doing at the gym and what I'm eating.
3 weeks ago I discovered waking up early to go to the gym. I normally hate getting out of bed before I absolutely had to. But I've grown used to rolling out of bed, throwing on workout clothes and going to the gym for 30 minutes.
Seven weeks. A lot can change in seven weeks. Let's see what happens after twelve.
This was me at the Christmas Luncheon. This picture was posted on our company's website a week before the back side comment. Occasionally no longer what I wanted.