Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I consider myself a extroverted introvert. On the surface I seem pretty outgoing, I am not shy in front of strangers but if you put me in a room with my peers, I become a different person, self conscious, unsure of myself, a plain old nervous wreck. So heaven forbid a "social situation" arises, you know like a wedding, a girls night out or case and point a charity event, like the one I attended this past Saturday. In times past these kinds of things would just plane old send me over the edge. You see, even though I might not be the "big" girl in everyone's mind, in my mind I am. I have body image problems, plain and simple.
Now, my goal this year is to gain more self confidence, learn to really love myself for who I am, that means outside as well as inside. In times past, getting ready for a social event like this one, where everyone is going to be dressed to the nines, would put me into the poor house. I would need something; a new dress, usually shoes, sometimes a trip to the hair salon, maybe getting my make-up done or all of the above. But you see, I have a closet full of clothes and shoes, a drawer full of make-up and great hair. That "something" I need has never been a material thing, but a feeling, one of acceptance, one of belief that who and what I am is good enough in any situation. So, when Saturday arrived, I did not buy one new thing, did not visit one salon or make up counter, I persevered in my goal to be myself, to realize that no amount of material things are ever going to be enough if I don't believe and accept myself for who I am, no matter what the situation.
Here is one of my favorite pictures from the night (had another one taken and I was critical of myself, it's a process) and I like that person I see, which to me means, I am getting there one social situation at a time!