Lost My Focus, But Thanks To You All, I'm Gettin' It Back
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I had a tough weekend with food.
I recently looked at my Nutrition Report for the week and saw that I ate over the high end of my calorie range about 5 times in the last 10 days. It's interesting to me that they were pretty much all in a row, starting last Thursday when we went out to dinner for my unofficial mother-in-law's birthday. The other thing that I find interesting was that this happened also after a modest two pound weight gain that I tried not to let get to me, but must have snuck in the back door somewhere.
What's even more interesting is that I am really not beating myself up about it, I am keeping an open and compassionate mind and being CURIOUS about this.
So, disappointment + temptation + feeling entitled one night = slow decline into old behavior.
It's almost like if I give in a little one day, it's easier for me to give in the next and the next and the next and next thing I know, I'm eating things that are clearly going to get in the way of my success.
I read a great blog this morning that really nailed it on the head for me when I am feeling bad about myself -- I am not ashamed of my FAT or being fat -- I am ashamed when I KNOW the right thing to do, but do not do it. I've KNOWN the right way to eat for years. I have chosen not to eat that way for whatever reasons, and I have not been committed to my health until now. Since I've joined Sparkpeople and decided to take this seriously, I started off with a bang but have been kind of backsliding - BUT because I am being accountable with my food using the Nutrition Tracker, I am SEEING this as it is happening. I have the power RIGHT NOW to stop this back slide and turn it into a learning experience.
The other thing I need to do is stop focusing on the RESULTS so much. Having to lose about 120 pounds, I have a LONG road ahead of me! I am breaking it down into 10 pounds at a time...I have to do this one day at a time. I can do ANYTHING in one day that I can't imagine doing forever. If that means saying no to carrot cake right now, then so be it. I'm not saying NEVER AGAIN, I'm just saying "Not Today".
So my FOCUS is going to be on taking the best care of myself as I can, every day, one day at a time, and the weight and inches will take care of itself.
My inner peace comes from knowing I'm doing the right thing for myself, it's not about being "good" or "bad". It's not about perfection, it's about PROGRESS.
The beauty of all this "tracking" is I can see when I'm trending down a path towards bedlam. I can turn this thing around RIGHT NOW, today!
I am going to post one of my favorite quotes from Ralph Waldo Emerson:
“Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
I'm leaving my old nonsense in yesterday. Today I am going to fight for myself.
I'm so grateful I found Sparkpeople and can read about everybody else's struggles and "Aha!"moments and success. It's so inspirational and has helped me today more than I can say.