Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I have come to realize that I have a wall up, which seems to be placed by my subconscious. I am VERY close to finally getting out of the 200's, however, I've been very close for almost 6 months now. I had my 2nd baby 6 months ago, and have been maintaining my weight, within a few pounds, since then. I was ecstatic to have lost as much as I did with this last pregnancy, and about being within arms reach of the 100's after I delivered. Now, I realize, I don't really "want" to get there. WTH?! I cannot explain why this is - why I have this irrational and unexplainable hesitance about reaching such an important milestone. I brought it up with my Hubby yesterday. His theory is that I am afraid to reach it, because I've managed to reach that milestone MANY years ago, once, and despite my vow to "never get into the 200's again", I did it anyway, and got WAY up in there (257.8). Usually I know what's going on in my head and heart, so this is unfamiliar territory to me. Maybe it's because I know getting into the 100's still entails at least 60 more pounds of weight loss. Or maybe it's a strong fear of failure... as I've failed COUNTLESS times in the past to reach my weight loss goals, including getting into the 100's. I. Just. Don't. Get. It! I know this is irrational, but this wall is built from somewhere deep within, and I am doing all I can to keep pushing through it. My highest weight was 257.8 pounds, and now I'm almost out of the 200's, so I know I can make changes and have success. I just don't know how to work around this barrier of self-doubt and fear, that is completely irrational and out of my own selective thought process. Does this make sense? It's so difficult to explain, since I don't fully understand it myself.
I'm "faking it until I make it" with this one. I'm tracking my food, and getting in lots of exercise. I haven't been using SP in a long time, and have done it on my own, but I feel I really need support in this. I recently purchased a Fitbit, to replace my MyTrak, and I am loving it. Human support is crucial, however, so I'm hoping some of you may have some input or perhaps have been there and have found methods that helped you get past it. I am not giving up, and WILL get through this, but some understanding of the situation sure would be nice.