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    HEALTHYASHLEY   21,641
20,000-24,999 SparkPoints

What is Your Victim Story?

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Monday, April 16, 2012

I was watching a show the other night about a young man who lost 320 with lapband surgery. He was sure when he lost the weight he would be happy, but he wasn't. Then it was the huge amount of saggy skin. He made excuse after excuse to not have the surgery but was convinced when he did that would make him happy. It didn't. Now he was heavily scarred and still felt like "a freak". So there he was 3 years later still as miserable as when he started and still turning to food for comfort but scared to death to regain the weight. That is when he met with a life coach. She asked him why he was overweight and he blamed society, the media, mean people, his family, everyone but himself. When he was done she told him it was all crap and he had his victim story down but when was he going to acknowledge he chose to be miserable. The look on his face was utter and complete shock. Now you can't tell me you haven't felt that way when someone in your life has been saying something similar. He got angry but then he realized, she was right.
We all write our victim story and it is what keeps us miserable. This doesn't just apply to weight. It applies to unhappy relationships, jobs, life in general. We create our lives and it is our responsibility alone. Nobody else can make us happy. It is a choice. This is what I have been trying to articulate in my own life for so long. Give up my victim story and start making changes to make the life I want. The best quote was "You are the author of your life". How awesome is that? How true is that? So it might be hard but what is your victim story that allows you to stay comfortable but unhappy? You don't have to tell me but maybe just write it down. Be honest, be brutal. It might hurt but it IS SO FREEING.
The young man stopped making excuses to be unhappy. It wasn't easy for him either. He was afraid of people so he told himself they hated him anyway. It wasn't true, it was his victim story. He also moved out of his controlling and traditional parents home and for the first time in his life felt freedom. He learned to live and author his own life. I cried through so much of the show. We can too. We are only victims if we allow ourselves to be. So as the life coach said.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
HINDYPATTI 3/21/2013 11:04AM

    I just re-read this today and am presently going to write my victim story. I just wanted to say...


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EMILYDOODLE 6/20/2012 3:50PM

  great blog!

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EATVEGAN 6/10/2012 6:02PM

    This is so interesting. I can admit that where I am is a result of what I have chosen to do. But I will be watching for this Victim Mentality as I go along. Thanks for the heads up. emoticon

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LAINYC 5/27/2012 1:54PM


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ON2VICTORY 5/25/2012 8:21AM

    Excellent blog. Even after the weight loss, accomplishments, etc.... i still sometimes see the victim spectre lingering... excellence is a daily choice. It doesnt just happen.

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BACKTOME10 5/23/2012 7:43AM

    So true! Very well said!!! And I have just recently went through a 5 year battle with this myself....finally told myself "It's time for me to make ME happy!" FANTASTIC blog... well deserving of a Popular Blog award!!!

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COMMUNITY10 5/23/2012 7:19AM

    Amazing blog and wonderful message behind it!

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BIGBROTHER323 4/24/2012 3:05PM

    Well Said!

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DEBBIE19580 4/23/2012 1:38PM

    great blog ashley, really makes ya think. thank you.

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TERRYT55 4/18/2012 1:34PM

    Terrific blog! So very true. I think not making excuses or blaming others has been the secret to keeping my weight (mostly) under control.

I'd enjoy seeing this show. Do you remember the title?

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WORKINGSTIFF 4/18/2012 8:55AM

    Great blog.

We are indeed the authors of our own story. I think what stops most people from taking responsibility for their own lives is that it is very hard. You have to be willing to follow your own path and own beliefs and that can run counter to what the people around you believe or how they live.

Again-great blog.

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COOKWITHME65 4/17/2012 8:19PM

    Your are so right Ashley. Thanks for reminding us.

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IMIN2GENES 4/17/2012 3:30PM

    Excellent points! Thanks for sharing this.

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SPOOKYTHECAT 4/17/2012 3:27PM

    I read once that there were two roles in your own life, you can show up as the hero, or be the victim.

Hero is way better.

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    Spot on!!!


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THE_NEW_MELISSA 4/17/2012 2:19PM

    Love love love this blog! Could not agree more! Thank you for writing this!

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ALOFA0509 4/17/2012 1:57PM

Awsum blog sista!! I was watching Tony Robbins show last "Tony Robbinson breakthrough"-- he was talking abt the same thing!! Powerful message sista. Hugs

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LISAW/3 4/17/2012 1:09PM

    What a great story with an excellent point!
Thanks for sharing!

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ROCKMAN6797 4/17/2012 12:59PM

    Excellent point, we control our life!

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PGNBRI 4/17/2012 11:49AM

    Love this! So very true!

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LMULLINS4LIFE 4/17/2012 10:05AM

    Great points. Thank you!

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SLFRISBEY 4/17/2012 10:01AM

    I read this on Twitter last night: "You are not a victim. You co-create your life with the Universe. Take responsibility and you are closer to freedom" It hit me like a ton of bricks :) Time to make my life MY LIFE!

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SPEEDY143 4/17/2012 3:29AM

    emoticon blog.... thanks for sharing emoticon

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DSJB9999 4/17/2012 2:15AM

    emoticon for sharing this.

I plan to be a better author! Accountability is also about ownership! I know I am in control of my body. Just wish I hadn't decided to eat so much chocolate this weekend.

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MELLYBEANS0919 4/16/2012 11:32PM

    What a lot to take in. Thank you.

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FINALLYBEINGME 4/16/2012 10:18PM

    I think it's easier to stick to the victim story when we're not sure how to change/or things seem beyond our own then we don't have to point the finger at ourselves. Taking accountability is such a huge part of this process. Thanks for pointing that out and for the reminder! emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/17/2012 3:01:48 PM

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FLY0NTHEWAL1 4/16/2012 10:05PM

    You are so right, Ashley. I think the reason I yo-yo with my weight is because I am afraid of the person I could be if I maintained that confidence. Like, what happens if I am not successful when I'm slim? Being over-weight allows me to sit on the sidelines watching other people achieve their goals while telling myself I've got to lose this weight before attempting to do more with myself.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 4/16/2012 9:40PM

    It was on MTV "True life I am getting a second chance."

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SKYEPHOENIX 4/16/2012 9:26PM

    What show did you watch, Ashley? Sounds intriguing..

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MOXIE-IN-MOTION 4/16/2012 9:20PM

  This is just great stuff. Gives me A LOT to think about. Thank you.

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ECONLADY 4/16/2012 8:59PM

    Great blog! If with the awareness it is hard to let go of being a victim. I seem to let go in chunks, but it is taking years for all the pieces to be released. Thanks for making me think.

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