Monday, April 16, 2012
At the beginning.
Fighting off the weight gained after the surgery.
Being thankful that at least I did lose 30 before the 3 surgeries, even if I have gained 20 back. I am not back to square one, I am back to square 10.
Somehow I have to kickstart my metabolism, and get the losing mechanism going. I have to fight discouragement. I have to stop eating out of the box. I have to write it down, and log it and keep drinking my water.
I am mad at myself, but for some reason, the last 10 jumped back on my butt and tummy and are saying "Hello lady, here we are, along for the ride once again."
Bull. The buck stops here.
(Takes a swig of water.)
Them are fighting words.
I won't take it lying down (except for the 10 minutes of daily pt stretches I need to reincorporate into my daily life - because that is where it began, where I began to lose the weight last time - with those little 10 minute fitness bytes.)
So, I did 12 minutes this morning, and though my back was spazzing when I got into the car to go to work, I told myself to buck up, that it would relax and I would be ok, and so it was.
Now, I am not sure how long the temporary work is going to last, as the bottom of the pile is near at hand. I asked about the positions I applied for, and now am waiting an answer. That kind of stress makes me reach for the box of (STOP IT RIGHT THERE - You are NOT opening that box)
Grabs a swig of water. That's better. Sigh! Probably dehydrated.
Then, I am waiting on the balance of my worker's comp check, as it is two weeks late, and the next one is due this week.... so... why am I waiting??? How long... Well lookie here, this is another one of those stress til you eat situations. LEAVE THAT BOX ALONE! That's right - back away from the box and no one will get hurt. Here, have a swig of water. gulp gulp gulp.
You are only up to 5 cups, since you can't count the coffee and tea from this morning.
So, you know you should really reset the whole thing. It doesn't negate what you did before. This is a new start. A "do-over". You knew it would be hard to lose weight after, to maintain the weight loss. SO, it happened. Face it. Deal with it. That's where you are. I refuse to buy bigger clothes. (except for the bras, need to have that support). Now to fit back into the next size down for the summer.
This is the day. This is time. This is the beginning. We HAVE been here before. I am not alone. Starting over is not a lonely activity.
You can do it. You have done it before. Make it happen.
Don't act that way. You CAN do it. Stay focused.
Have a drink of water.
Thank you, don't mind if I do. Almost 6 down.