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I'm failing instead of falling.

Monday, April 16, 2012

My weight loss is failing. I want my weight to fall, not go up some more. I broke through to the 190's again this morning. It took me so long to lose the weight before and break free of the various decades of weight. Started at 215, then below 210, 200, 190, 180 and down to 171.5 last least for a couple days.
I had a goal for a cruise and I met it...or at least close to it. I felt wonderful and full of energy. Now I feel bloated and definitely not full of energy, not happy and not feeling healthy in my tummy. The acid reflux, bloated tummy and puffy legs are back from eating the wrong food...which is wheat and dairy for me.
Yup, I've been eating them regularly again. Yup, I've been gaining regularly again. Yup, there is a direct result from my actions. Why do these things call to me when I am feeling down?
Why do I eat them when I know they are toxic for my body?

Now we are cleaning out boxes from the basement and addressing all the memories, happy and disappointing and the emotions it brings up. This has brought on more emotional eating binges. Sort of like as you let go of the past, you need to fill in the empty spaces inside and that means eating my emotional foods for me.
Plus the "stuff" that isn't tossed or donated or recycled makes its way back into our main living space and clutters it up. I no longer have space to exercise and the cleaning is making my sciatica pain much, much worse.

So, there are the problems all on the table. Now I need solutions.
The cleaning must continue as we want the old cloth covered 1928 wiring replaced in the whole house this summer. So, the boxes from 30-40 years of "items set aside" must be dealt with. The whole house needs to be simplified to make room for the work to be done. I need to be strong, healthy and energetic to accomplish this goal. My diet/lifestyle also needs an overhaul and to be simplified, just like the house.

For relaxation I need to quit watching Netflix movies or going on the computer. Too much sitting. But, we have a week of rain forecast for this week, so no relaxing walks in between bouts of sorting old belongings. It is not that I want to exercise because I hurt physically, but I don't want to sit and snack for an hour either, and it has become a habit. Watch tv, snack. The computer doesn't do that because I am typing, so I guess the problem is only the tv. A limit per day should work for that or at least a no food rule while watching tv, maybe just water or herbal tea.

A new season and new resolutions.
I have never made my vision board. I am thinking of one which shows my falling weight with pics of both how I want my home to look or the improvements to be done at that stage along with the changes I want in my body, energy and strength.

Aha, there is a relaxing idea...doing art instead of watching tv! Or playing music, like the piano or violin or any of the other myriad of instruments I have. I have been wanting to get back to painting and playing music, but I don't make them a priority in my life. If I incorporate them into my life as my leisure activities and let go of the electronic past times, I think my life will be fuller all around.

Funny how I started this blog depressed and as I write it I start to see ways to change my life. Thanks for reading my ramblings.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    you aren't failing, just not progressing as planned this week. emoticon
    2040 days ago
    Your ideas for activities to feed your soul sound marvelous! I encourage you to start spending time with art and music to relax.

    I notice you mentioned having reached a goal for a cruise--but you haven't maintained that loss. When we view weight loss activities as temporary--just until I reach ______--we open the door for the weight to return. A wise piece of advice was passed on to me: Don't do anything to lose weight that you aren't willing to do for the rest of your life.

    It really is about changing the way you live and the daily choices you make. I've made really small changes and adjustments over the last year a a half (babysteps, as I call them) and lost 60 pounds as a result. I've found things I enjoy doing, that I can do life-long.

    I also enjoy using affirmations, reprogramming myself to succeed. Since I struggle with clutter, here are a couple that might prove useful to you:

    I easily let go of excess weight and fat. I eliminate fat and build lean muscle mass, as I eliminate clutter and create beauty and order in my life.

    I easily let go of what I no longer need. I joyfully release all that does not serve me.

    I address that latter one to pounds, germs, clutter, beliefs.

    I wish you joy and success and a renewal of your Spark!
    Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon
    2041 days ago
    Sue, you wrote your tensions away. Next, you'll make a beautiful vision board to match your beautiful vision inside -- and part of that will be your new wiring. Congratulations!
    2041 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    I feel ya! Do try to think of what lifestyle you are willing to keep to for the long run. How will you compensate for rainy weather? I suggest having goals revolve around your habits rather than the scale. Even if you get to a lower weight, it won't do much good if it depends on habits you won't keep up.

    I like your ideas of alternate ways to spend your time. Some people think a better question than "Why do you eat?" is "What would you do if you DIDN'T eat?" Eventually, you have to do something else with your time. emoticon
    2041 days ago
    Hang in there. Blogging is step one...
    2041 days ago
    There is no such thing as failure unless you quit trying. This is just a blip on the journey to healthfulness for you.

    Focus on doing the things you know work to be more healthful - if it feels overwhelming, set just one or two goals for yourself per day eg. no wheat and no eating in front of TV.

    After a week or two you won't have to think about these two and you can move on to other healthy habits.

    You've done it before so you know you can do it again, and you will.

    Spark On
    2041 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/16/2012 3:18:15 PM
    Sometimes venting is the best thing we can do. Get rid of the stress and emotions we are feeling. You should do art or play an instrument if they give you enjoyment and it will be relaxing. for you. Just take it one day at a time.
    2041 days ago
  • BUTTERFLY-1976
    2041 days ago
  • MINDA31807

    2041 days ago
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