I'm failing instead of falling.
Monday, April 16, 2012
My weight loss is failing. I want my weight to fall, not go up some more. I broke through to the 190's again this morning. It took me so long to lose the weight before and break free of the various decades of weight. Started at 215, then below 210, 200, 190, 180 and down to 171.5 last September...at least for a couple days.
I had a goal for a cruise and I met it...or at least close to it. I felt wonderful and full of energy. Now I feel bloated and definitely not full of energy, not happy and not feeling healthy in my tummy. The acid reflux, bloated tummy and puffy legs are back from eating the wrong food...which is wheat and dairy for me.
Yup, I've been eating them regularly again. Yup, I've been gaining regularly again. Yup, there is a direct result from my actions. Why do these things call to me when I am feeling down?
Why do I eat them when I know they are toxic for my body?
Now we are cleaning out boxes from the basement and addressing all the memories, happy and disappointing and the emotions it brings up. This has brought on more emotional eating binges. Sort of like as you let go of the past, you need to fill in the empty spaces inside and that means eating my emotional foods for me.
Plus the "stuff" that isn't tossed or donated or recycled makes its way back into our main living space and clutters it up. I no longer have space to exercise and the cleaning is making my sciatica pain much, much worse.
So, there are the problems all on the table. Now I need solutions.
The cleaning must continue as we want the old cloth covered 1928 wiring replaced in the whole house this summer. So, the boxes from 30-40 years of "items set aside" must be dealt with. The whole house needs to be simplified to make room for the work to be done. I need to be strong, healthy and energetic to accomplish this goal. My diet/lifestyle also needs an overhaul and to be simplified, just like the house.
For relaxation I need to quit watching Netflix movies or going on the computer. Too much sitting. But, we have a week of rain forecast for this week, so no relaxing walks in between bouts of sorting old belongings. It is not that I want to exercise because I hurt physically, but I don't want to sit and snack for an hour either, and it has become a habit. Watch tv, snack. The computer doesn't do that because I am typing, so I guess the problem is only the tv. A limit per day should work for that or at least a no food rule while watching tv, maybe just water or herbal tea.
A new season and new resolutions.
I have never made my vision board. I am thinking of one which shows my falling weight with pics of both how I want my home to look or the improvements to be done at that stage along with the changes I want in my body, energy and strength.
Aha, there is a relaxing idea...doing art instead of watching tv! Or playing music, like the piano or violin or any of the other myriad of instruments I have. I have been wanting to get back to painting and playing music, but I don't make them a priority in my life. If I incorporate them into my life as my leisure activities and let go of the electronic past times, I think my life will be fuller all around.
Funny how I started this blog depressed and as I write it I start to see ways to change my life. Thanks for reading my ramblings.