Sunday, April 15, 2012
Trust me, if I can do it, anyone can. I have had to step out of my comfort zone on many occasions to get where I am. For instance, working with a trainer. I don't like meeting new people and often times don't like the new people I meet. Starting with a trainer was very difficult for me, and now I am having to start all over with another trainer which I am very unsure about. It's taking a lot of encouragement from my first trainer to get me to continue with training even though I know I need to keep going.
It's a lot of hard work. I have tried it before and failed. Fear of failure is still there, but I keep pushing. The last 7-8 weeks have been even more difficult. I only lost 2 lbs in the month of March. As I told my trainer, all month long I was clawing my way through it. Had it not been for my sessions with my trainer, I would have quit. It is hard work. Not just physically, but mentally. Fighting against temptations that all your life you have just given into. Saying "no" to yourself when all you want to do is say "yes", when all you have ever done is say "yes". I have been doing it now for 9 months and it is no easier now then it was 9 months ago.
I am not just making changes to my outside, but am fighting against my inside to change. Change the way I think, the way I feel, the way I deal with my feelings, the way I talk to myself or about myself. I have lifelong habits I am trying to change and it's going to take years before they are changed and even then, it's still going to be hard work. The hardest part is knowing and accepting that the things I am doing to lose weight are the things I will need to continue doing for the rest of my life in order to keep the weight off. Yes, it is supposed to get easier over time and maybe it will. But all I can attest to is that 9 months in and it's no easier then day 1. But it's worth it.
Now, after saying all that, I want to explain what I mean when I use the word "hard". It's not hard to count calories. It's not hard to go to the gym and work out. It's not hard to do what needs to be done in order to lose weight. It's not hard to lose weight. What is hard is the battle that comes with doing all the right things. It's hard not to become an obstacle in your own way. Not to talk yourself out of going to the gym, not to eat that piece of cake, or in my case hot cheetos and cheese dip with a pepsi. Hmmmm. Yummy. Or reeces. I could eat those all day. It's hard to remember why you are doing all of it. Motivation comes and goes throughout the entire journey. It's not always there. What is hard is continuing on when you are not motivated because that is when you defenses are down and you are a million times more likely to say "yes" to whatever and once you say "yes" the next "yes" becomes easier, and then the next and then the next and before you know it, you are gaining weight. Then you gotta start all over again and believe me when I tell you it feels just like starting all over again. It doesn't take as long to get back into routine, but just because you see the number on the scale going up, or your clothes getting tighter or you even make the decision to start again, that doesn't even mean the motivation will be there.