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Theory of M&M Evolution

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.

To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MARYB73 4/15/2012 5:56PM

    I love all your blogs.

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NAYPOOIE 4/15/2012 1:23PM

    hmmm, do the losers melt in your hand?

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ALICERIEGER 4/15/2012 10:44AM

    Anything to improve the species.

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GRANDMA624 4/15/2012 10:01AM

  I guess I'll have to get some M&M's and try emoticon You are very funny!!

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Hahahhahahahahhahahahahahhaa.... you're a hoot !!!!!!

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HELEN_BRU 4/15/2012 7:24AM

    Who has the time to come up with these things? Just hilarious!

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NEVERMIND2010 4/15/2012 5:19AM

    This is hysterical!

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