Saturday, April 14, 2012
adj \ˈten-yə-wəs, -yŁ-əsDefinition of TENUOUS
1a : having little substance or strength : flimsy, weak (tenuous influences)
b : shaky
a song dedicated to myself, as I stand right now:
a song dedicated to the new me, as a constant reminder:
I don't have issues with not eating enough. I am not a person who can go a day without eating- 'fasting' as some people call it. I have quite the opposite problem, you see.
And it's reared its ugly head twice now over the last week. I haven't binged singe before Christmas, and I know why I binged then- I felt a loss of control coming up with food at Christmas time. And it wasn't pretty.
Last week? I firmly believe my body went: SUGAR OMG! I love you so! And foooooooooood, I want lots and lots and lots of tasty food. Sugar gives such a rush.
When can I switch to a carrot binge? I would prefer that. So much healthier.
Today? FML, I think it's been repercussions from last weekend. Add the hunger, paired with my afternoon movie, paired with a bad decision to eat out when I wasn't feeling strong when it came to food, paired with a sugar addiction, paired with a feeling of loss of control with my food. If you want my low down dirty feelings on the subject, you can read my nutrition tracker notes. It's very personal and it isn't pretty. Can't say I didn't warn you.
I've just tossed at least 2 weeks of hard work away in the span of less than 6 hours. It's that easy, folks.
I must get back on track. Regain my eating focus. I must move forward from these 2 incidents. Look forward towards my goal, not imagine how I was, living in the past.
1. Healthy eating was giving me more definition. I like my definition! I miss that. I've felt fluffy all week.
2. Healthy eating gave me the ability to eat more healthy foods.
3. Healthy eating doesn't make me feel ill, nauseous, guilty, or ashamed.
4. No one dies wishing they ate more margarine. Seriously. Or chocolate.
5. Healthy eating made me feel so good! So powerful! So sexy!
6. The flavours of healthy foods are so delicious!
7. If I have to turn down a late afternoon move, I just have to. I don't need anymore triggers.
8. If I have to turn down a 'no good reason' meal out with friends for the time being to get my discipline back, I have to. I can make alternate fun plans with friends.
9. Healthy foods/amounts are helping me lose weight! Unhealthy foods are not.
10. Healthy foods/amounts will keep me maintaining!
11. When I eat healthy food, at regular intervals throughout the day, I am not hungry. I don't have cravings. I won't/don't binge.
12. I will run better/faster/longer if I fuel my body RIGHT.
Moderation, my dear friends, of something so sweet or binge-worthy, is only a word that I can use when I am in that good strong place, where a table full of calorie dense foods won't even make me blink. Now is not that time. One day.
The day/week after an incident like this is always the hardest, I find. There is a tenuous grasp on healthy eating as the body wants more of the unhealthy stuff.
I will turn this around. I have a goal, and this goal is a lifetime sentence. Being healthy.
Official weigh-in in a day. I've gotta brace for a bumpy ride.