I have been so reluctant to post anything on my blog as long as I've been on Spark. I don't really know why, maybe just a lack of self esteem. Maybe thinking I had nothing important enough to say that anyone would want to read or maybe it was just to keep the feeling of not being fully committed to this whole process. Who knows, nonetheless here I am - FINALLY!

I need to connect to people in a positive way in my life right now. I feel this is the perfect place to do so. I am committed to my journey, physically. I just can't get my head around the actual "eating right" idea. I started working out regularly in late 2009 in preparation for my wedding in June 2010. I knew my lifestyle needed to change and I set my sights. At the time I saw a "finish line" being when I was married and lived "happily ever after".........HA HA HA! Yeah right, who was I kidding!

Fast forward to today, Friday the 13th 2012 and I'm still chasing my tail. I'm gradually growing and pushing myself more and more outside of my comfort zone. I'm naturally more of a loner and honestly prefer to work out alone. But I have changed a lot mentally since I began this journey. Unfortunately the more I feel myself changing, the further I feel from my husband. He isn't supportive or interested in a healthy lifestyle himself. You all know how much time and energy you put into this lifestyle and to not have a supporting partner can be discouraging and depressing. I don't need his adoration, but an atta girl along the way would be nice...lol. It seems like the bigger the accomplishment I reach, the less and less he is willing to give me any credit. Don't get me wrong, I am doing this for me and me alone, it's just a tough place to be sometimes! I get torn between my motivations sometimes quite honestly. Some days it's health and longevity for my family and somedays it's purely to want to look hawt...thinking maybe that will turn my husbands head...

I've started running races this spring and that has been a great source of motivation for me. I signed up for a 5K, then a 5 mile race-tackled them both holding a consistent 10 min mile on both - shocked myself! I have two more 5K's then on to the 10K Flying Pig May 5th! I'm just doing my own thing. It's really rewarding, but also lonely when you go to these races and see people there supporting each other or making it a family activity or just there to cheer on their loved ones.

I get so much motivation from Spark and truly hate that I waited to blog until I had a chip on my shoulder. Is anyone else out there in this predicament?