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    BELAFUNK1985   15,508
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints

Beyond Stuck!

Friday, April 13, 2012

For several months, weeks, days & hours I have been slacking. I dont know how or which way it happened. I just stopped caring - well maybe not that I dont care I just got super lazy. I dont remember the last time I had a date with my elliptical or my work out dvds. All I can say is everything has very think layer of dust on it, haha! (even though this is no laughing matter). It is actually quite depressing, just like my mood these days.
I am depressed because I dont have that drive to do anything anymore. I have completely lost it! I have gained back most of the weight I lost. I fought for every pound!!!
Simple math when you say it in your head, but doing it and living it every single day is a very different story.
Every time I have tried to drop those many pounds I do great for a few weeks and its almost like im getting bored, but im not its those damn cravings and laziness.
I honestly don't know how people do it! Well I know the drive has to be there and dedication, But those people that can run on the elliptical for 30-60-90 minutes at a time... MAN! My hat is off to you!!! I get so bored even though I have the t.v. on it doesn't matter. I will be on there for 5-10 minutes and im done. At one point I was running for 30-40 minutes at a time, I was so impressed with myself!!! Then one day it was gone, just like my diet or as I like to call it "my food/life style change plan".
Eating salads, proteins, veggies and fruits every single day. I felt great!!! No heart burn, upset stomach for constant greasy junk food. Insane mindless eating is my downfall. Stress eating too (not only do you get gray hairs from stress you can gain weight too). The list truly goes on and on... we could be here all day. I have just been a huge slacker in all departments. I feel like I am beyond help at this point. I know that is lame to say. I get so frustrated with myself for thinking that, but its how I feel.
I have a vision of myself, thin... being able to walk into a store and not worrying about trying everything on to see if it covers all of my fat parts, which is getting harder and harder to do by the way. Nothing fits me correctly anymore, my huge stomach and a** are pis*ing me off beyond belief. I swear if I go up another size I am going to lock myself in my bedroom and never come out. I don't even like getting my picture taken anymore. You never really realize how big you are until you see a picture of yourself and it just chills you down to you core. I am so tired of looking puffy and what not. It's truly depressing...
So the question is why have I not fixed this by now?
I have always started of strong with the diet and exercise for a few months- weeks then all of a sudden BAM! Its gone, the drive is gone. I get lazy with it and sick and tired of doing it. I just give up completely and all the weight I worked so hard to loose is back with more.
So what now....
Bites lip.... bites lip on the other side.......
I mean I always set such huge goals for myself so am I just setting myself up to fail? Maybe taking my time and not rushing will help make this easier and I can make it stick this time? I guess it really isnt rocket science!
I mean I have done it before my problem is just sticking with something long enough for it to work because once you start seeing serious results and not just the number on the scale I mean with you body when you look in the mirror that would give me serious drive to get it going and stick with it.
I am small with a very tiny frame so my doctor wants me to loose alot of weight. A total of 80 pounds which is a scary number when you look at it as a whole. But maybe breaking it up and saying "Okay, this month lets shoot for 5 pounds of weight loss". If I set my goal to high I will get upset if I dont see the weight come off as quickly as I want it do. Then I will stress eat and get right back to where I am now. Writing another depressing blog.
I need to start eating within my calorie range again which is 1200-1500 calories per day and tracking it like crazy... Make sure I get all of my water intake.
AH!!! so much going on.. im going to give myself a head ache, haha.
But you get the idea of my problem and what I am going through.
SIGHHHHH!!! Here we go... I can do this.. I just have to believe in myself again. I am afraid that if I loose track and I will be lost forever as a fat person in wonderland. This weekend eating healthy and remembering why I am doing this.. To feel better, be healthy, feel conformable in my own skin again, to look as good as I feel... I can do this!!!
WOW! I am being my own cheerleader today? that is new.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MORTICIAADDAMS 4/16/2012 10:42PM

    I think most of us can relate to this. It's not easy to make changes and we often fall off the wagon and have to regroup.

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TRAVELNISTA 4/14/2012 8:26PM

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Baby Steps are key! Did I mention emoticon

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DEBBIEDAY 4/14/2012 6:59AM

    Like several others have commented...I too could have written this entry!

You have done a great review of where you are at and an awesome reminder that you KNOW what WORKS! As I always say when asked...yes, my plan WORKS...WHEN I work it! LOL

That said, it took most of us a lifetime of not caring and not doing anything to take care of our health and outside of some torture known as PE classes in grade school, exercise just was not a we are relearning and replacing all that history with a new mindset and habits....thing is you KNOW you can do it because you've been successful in the past.

EVERYDAY is the opportunity to make a fresh restrart...

If the eliptical or other equipment based workouts are a bore...find something you have fun doing...zumba, hiking, hoola hoops ? LOL....there is an enless choice.

You CAN and WILL do this one day, one step at a do I know?

Because you are still HERE and blogging about the struggle and need to find solutions!!

NEVER Give up and Never quit...!!!

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LESLIESENIOR 4/13/2012 7:44PM

    I think you have, again, answered all your own questions. You just took a very thorough inventory. I can relate on two levels.

1. When I began my recovery from alcohol, I had many failures. It wasn't until I hit bottom, and became completely honest with myself, that I sought help and got serious about my sobriety and health.

2. I had 60 pounds to lose from years of "I don't care" and body abuse. I didn't know about Sparkpeople at that time, 2003, but I began very slowly changing one small habit at a time. I worked on my emotional and spiritual fitness as well.
It took me 3 long years to lose the 60 pounds. That is 1.6 pounds a month. But it has stayed off for 6 years. Sparkpeople has been a blessing, helping me learn to accept my old wrinkled body, get fit, and be nutritionally sound.

You ARE your own cheerleader AND you have all of us to cheer you on!!!

Do something very small and positive tonight.
Spark On. And thanks for sharing.
Leslie emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 4/13/2012 6:50PM

    Yup, gaining sucks and losing our spark sucks even more. It does, period. It's what we do next that's important. What I read here is that you're finding your path, you're picking yourself up and your willing yourself forward. Formulate your plan and know that it's okay if that plan changes in mid stream. IF you get bored with the elliptical step off of it and find something else that keeps you moving and know it's different for everyone and ever changing. Think outside the box when it comes to working out. Challenge yourself with food. Explore your local farmers market and get excited about the freshness you'll find. Love the foods you eat, always. And don't forget to treat yourself and love yourself. Give yourself flowers or a pedicure or a fresh new lipstick - Something fun and something for you. You deserve it sweetie!

Comment edited on: 4/13/2012 6:50:56 PM

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DIANITAH 4/13/2012 5:36PM

    I am still coming out of a funk. You are not alone! What finally convinced me to get my stuff together was feeling like crap again. People still thought I was looking better but my digestive system, my sleep has been wacky. When I was eating correctly and exercising, I had no digestive issues and slept well. I want to get back to that. I am still in a tenuous situation. Feel free to add me as a friend so we can check in on each other.

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WYO_CASEY 4/13/2012 5:28PM

    Um...did I write this? Cause it sounds a lot like my issues!!!

Maybe you needed a break. Maybe the break took on a life of its own. I sometimes have to step back from eating healthy all the time and take a few days of eating whatever I want. But if I'm not careful, it will take off and turn into a week of break and then a month!

I'm texting you on Monday to make sure you make a date with your workout. Weather it is a walk, elliptical, DVD or dancing!


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CAT224 4/13/2012 4:24PM

    I think everyone has been where you are now so don't feel discouraged! I know I have!! Right now my main problem is getting my eating under control, I've learned to enjoy working out but I still enjoy food a little too much haha especially all the tempting restaurants around my house!

But anyways, I HATE going on the eliptical or treadmill even 10 minutes seems like an eternity. I'm with Codilynn on this one, HIIT is the way to go! Have you tried Jillian Michaels' workouts? She has some that are only 30 minutes long and they mix weights and cardio. A great workout and I've seen lots of great results with it! She also just put out a new kickboxing dvd and it's 3 videos which are only 20 minutes long! A great workout and it goes by quickly!

If you'd like to do some kind of healthy eating challenge to keep ourselve accountable I'd be on bored for sure!

Goodluck this weekend! you can do it! :)

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SHY_BUNNY 4/13/2012 4:21PM

    Hey there! It is difficult, to say the least, to battle with feeling unfit, overweight and unhealthy. But, you can do it! Start small. We all know what we have to do, but sometimes it can seem so overwhelming to try and do it all. Especially, when we've been living our lives as we have. It takes time to develop new habits.

Instead of focusing on the whole picture, commit to one thing you know you can stick with. Like exercising 10 or 15 minutes 3 times a week. If possible keep exercising at the same time -- if not, just be sure to schedule moving as part of your day. Don't worry about your food, or your water or your weight. Just focus on acheiving that one goal for yourself until you feel like it's part of who you are.

There are so many fabulous Sparkers out there who are achieving tremendous success. We often compare ourselves with their journey & feel like we could be doing more, more, more! I want to remind you that this is YOUR journey. You have to own every scrap of small success you achieve. Even if it's saying 'no' to an office donut or taking a walk alone instead of watching T.V.

Finallu, I want to mention that we're so focused on the resuls / end game, we'll cram anything and everything we can to get there. It's no wonder we burn out after a couple of months. Be kind to yourself as you are now! You can do this! One small win at a time!


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CHEETARA79 4/13/2012 4:15PM

    Once again, I think you need to do this with small steps. Track all your food for a week and don't worry about your calorie range. The week after that, add in 10 minutes of exercise every day. The following week, eat 3 servings of fresh vegetables a day. And so forth. Allow the habits to build up slowly instead of trying to change your lifestyle drastically. Think of the process as a lifestyle makeover and that weight loss is just a side effect. Concentrate on the healthy habits and how they make you feel, rather than the # on the scale.

I believe in you! You WANT to do this now you just need to take the little baby steps to MAKE IT HAPPEN!

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CODILYNN2 4/13/2012 4:08PM

    Chin up!

I am like that too- Once I start seeing results I take it as a sign that I can back off and I put the weight right back on! I really want to work on getting it off and keeping it off.. Life style change.

As for getting bored have you tired and HITT or Interval training. It helps me in the winter months stuck on a tredmil- do 1 min at 4 mph and 1 at 5 1 at 6 2 at 4 2 at 5 etc. There are many different options you can try and before you know it 30 min is up and you had a killer workout!

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