Friday, April 13, 2012
Over the past few months I've had many highs. I have made progress in weight loss and exercise. I have made many new Spark Friends and have even inspired a few people. Overall everyone around me is happy and healthy. I have a great job. Nothing to really complain about.
So with this being so - why in the world am I in such a bad funk!!! To put it out there, I have been a bad, bad girl this week. I am overeating, not exercising and basically just numbing myself with food. Is this really a result of "enjoying" myself on Easter? Does a few indulgences mean I spiral out of control? Am I really still weak and unable to trust myself?
The worst part of this is that I feel awful! I am tired, unmotivated and sad. I'm trying to not be too hard on myself but really I have no one else to blame. I know better. I control what groceries are purchased and cooked. I control what I put in my mouth. I have had time to exercise.
I've been searching for the "what am I really feeding?" for two days now and have come up with nothing of any real significance. Yeah. I suppose I've been feeling a little lonely. It's been hard dealing with the fact that my ex is moving on so quickly. I guess it's not that quickly but I'm so not ready to go there. Yeah. I've been a little stressed. I've had some work deadlines to deal with. Yeah. My oldest is now registered for kindergarten and for some reason that makes me a little sad as it's a sure indicator that he's growing up too fast. But all of these things are not awful. They are not tragic. They are just a part of life.
I suppose what is most bothersome is why I'm having such a hard time dusting myself off and getting back on track. I'm not a whiner. I'm not a quitter. Yet here I feel like a person giving up and crying about it. I know of some personal friends dealing with awful issues and problems. I really am trying to put my life into perspective. And usually, it works to make me thankful and grateful.
I was sort of hoping that by typing this blog it would hit me. But so far, no such luck. I read some awesome blogs (thanks RUNNERFORLIFE08 and JEN_BACKTOBASICS) and have checked in with some of my Spark Friends. These things usually renew my spirit. But not today.
So what am I going to do?? This evening I am going to clean my car, make a meal plan for next week and a grocery list, drink water and play with my boys. Tomorrow I will eat according to the plan, exercise first thing in the morning and hope to snap out of it.
This concludes my pity party blog. Ugh!