Thursday, April 12, 2012
WARNING: This blog is a going to be a downer so if you are not in the mood for it you might want to exit out!
Here it is, April 2012. I started seriously with Sparkpeople 1 year ago. I was doing so good!. I lost about 25 lbs and I was feeling great!! I'm not really sure what happened but things started going downhill and now I'm sitting here a year later feeling angry, tried and distraught. Not only have I gained back the 25 lbs but I have gained an additional 6 lbs! The biggest problem is that I can't seem to get any motivation back! Everyday I tell myself that this is the day I start again.....but inevitably, I fail. Do you know what it feels like to fail at something EVERY DAY?! I'm sure some of you do. I know we all have our struggles and I know that there are probably some of you that have been where I am at now.
I just don't know what to do now. I'm kind of at the end of my rope with nowhere to go. I have lost all faith in myself and my ability to accomplish anything. So now I'm wondering if I should just come to terms with the fact that I'm fat and forget about trying to lose weight and be healthy. But, I know that I will never be happy with myself like this. Everytime I look in the mirror I see what a failure I am.
I know that it's important to just keep starting over....but honestly, I don't have the energy. I finally got back to the gym today after being away for 3 weeks (being out of town and working created havoc with my workouts!) and I had a hard time just doing 30 minutes on the elliptical...without any incline! Instead of feeling energized by finally getting some kind of workout in, I just came home and cried and felt miserable.
Anyway.....sorry you have to listen to me whine. I just was hoping maybe someone has been where I am and had some wonderful advice for me. Maybe I just need someone to come over and kick my behind in gear! :)
I appreciate all of you dear sparkfriends! Don't know what I would do without you.
Thanks so much for listening.